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Posts Tagged ‘Ed Miliband’

Miliband to acquire white van and visible bumcrack

‘As it goes I favour the Transit, long wheelbase. It’s a classic innit. None of your foreign shite, Renault or whatever, as driven by some Latvian with a PHd in Economics, a thriving decorating business in Chigwell and a brother on benefits and probably out grooming or dogging most nights. Send ‘em back where they belong, is what I say, subject to the Human Rights Act and existing EU Legislation and the employment needs of a newly recovering economy.’

Mr Miliband was speaking to reporters in the wake of the Rochester by election. ‘Let’s get this straight, I’m yer ordinary Lidl or Aldi shopper in the street, wiv like a young family, a 3 bed Wimpey without offstreet parking, and, OK, a former teaching post at Harvard. But could you get a decent pint there? Could you not! But that’s all behind me. From now till the general wosname, I’ll be travelling the length and breadth in the (sic) Transit, listening to what voters are really concerned about, eating chips, drinking beer and quoting for the odd bit of kitchen fitting, innit. An’ kipping in the back.

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Posted: Nov 21st, 2014
More from Politics



Labour Mission Control ‘fear we may have lost contact’ with Miliband

‘We’ve been trying to get through to Ed for some time,’ said a member of the shadow cabinet, ‘but we’re not sure messages are getting through. They seem to take about 28 minutes to reach him and apparently about the same to return, but that’s supposition, nobody’s waited that long so far.’

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Posted: Nov 17th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Miliband declares victory in US Midterms‏

Apparently Mr Miliband 'whupped their asses real good'Much to the surprise and delight of the Labour faithful, their leader announced sweeping gains in the US Senate today. Despite being separated by a political ideology and 3000 miles of Atlantic Ocean, Ed Miliband was able to take the credit for the Republican Party’s recent success and for becoming the first British female solo artist to have five number one singles in the UK.

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Posted: Nov 12th, 2014
More from Politics



House of Commons ‘black-eyed babbling ghoul’ turns out to be Ed Miliband

The Phantom of the Parliament. 'A shadow of himself...'Former Home Secretary Johnson Alan Johnson revealed today that the spectral, black-eyed ‘lost soul’ seen haunting the corridors of the Palace of Westminster over the last few months is, in fact, Labour Party leader Ed Miliband.

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Posted: Oct 19th, 2014
More from Politics



Labour’s plan to put a family GP ‘in every home’

Ed Miliband has announced a bold and far-reaching plan to put a fully qualified family GP in every home. What’s more, the embedded GP will be expected to pay rent to sleep on the sofa or indeed ‘anywhere suitable between 17 and 22 degrees’, which would be a much-needed source of extra income for struggling families.

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Posted: Oct 4th, 2014
More from News In Brief