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Posts Tagged ‘Ed Miliband’

Miliband asks for ten years to fix Manchester United

Time's upIn a bold statement of intent, the Labour Leader Ed Miliband has set out a ten-year plan to reverse the damage done by successive managers at Old Trafford. Whilst many of his critics suggested that a decent centre half and holding midfielder would be sufficient, a Labour spokesman insisted it would take a long-term economic plan to improve results, clone Ryan Giggs and change the word ‘United’ to ‘City’ on the stationery.

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Posted: Sep 23rd, 2014
More from Sport



Utility boss threatens ‘eternal darkness’ if energy prices frozen

historical data shows hell still warming nicely‘People who have stockpiled air in li-los, bicycle tyres, party balloons and inflatable women are acting irresponsibly.’

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Posted: Sep 10th, 2014
More from From The Archives



David Miliband readied for last minute substitution in Election shoot-out

Labour Party chiefs, inspired by Dutch manager Louis Van Gaal’s last minute switch of goalkeeper in the Holland v Costa Rica World Cup quarter-final, are preparing a last gasp replacement of their own in the run up to next year’s General Election.

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Posted: Jul 7th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Ed Balls denies involvement in slow motion car crash

Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls has strenuously denied any responsibility for a slow motion car crash taking place in Westminster.

Mr Balls was summonsed by Labour Party authorities to explain why he did not report the accident, which began when passenger Ed Miliband seized the wheel from his brother David in 2010, causing the vehicle to lurch awkwardly all over the place.

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Posted: Jun 22nd, 2014
More from Politics



Miliband to attend earth creature re-assembly clinic

Venusian high command have recalled their latest human android for adjustment after it failed the ‘eating normal food’ test.

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Posted: May 27th, 2014
More from News In Brief