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Posts Tagged ‘Ed Miliband’

Cameron’s ‘open neck’ approach seals the deal with swinging voters

gets Poldark's voteDashing David Cameron has gaily abandoned his jacket, tossed off his tie, rolled up his sleeves and exposed his fleshy forearms to openly signal that he is right up for ‘doing the business’ with millions of Britain’s uncommitted swinger voters who have gone with multiple parties in the past.

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2015
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Miliband dubsteps into the future with style tips from Skrillex

down wiv da kidz, innit, to winnitIn an attempt to appeal to the ‘yoof’ vote, Labour leader Ed Miliband has enlisted the help of well know young person and bass-dropper Skrillex.

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Posted: Apr 23rd, 2015
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Hard Working Families to be given extra votes

it's all about getting up again tomorrowNow that the entire General Election revolves around glowing generalities, a cross-party committee of MPs has agreed that greater representation should be given to positive, abstract concepts. So with the last day of voter registration looming fast, all spare votes will be distributed among those impossible-to-prove beliefs such as the ‘common good’, ‘patriotism’ and ‘Britain’s Got Talent’.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2015
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Nicola Sturgeon to ride joint-favourite ‘Mister Ed’ at Scottish Grand National

‘I rode Mister Ed on Thursday’ said Sturgeon. ‘He didn’t seem to like me riding him so hard at first. Then I explained to him that if it came down to a photo-finish with the joint-favourite ‘Dangerous Dave’ he would need my help to win and he soon got the bit between his teeth.

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Posted: Apr 18th, 2015
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Nick Clegg launches sinister dating site: ‘Salmond, Farage or Me’

the British public finally has a choice of dirty partnerIn attempt to help voters lose their lunch, the Lib Dems have promoted their answer to C4’s ‘The Undateables’. Offering a stark choice of sexual extremes, Nick Clegg has positioned himself as the ‘moderate filling’, sandwiched between the thick, sweaty slabs of the SNP’s Alex Salmond and UKIP’s Nigel Farage.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2015
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