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Posts Tagged ‘Ed Milliband’

Cameron and Clegg to form ‘sorry duet’

Agents for David Cameron and Nick Clegg have announced today that the talented pair of apologists will form a ‘duet’ to delight their fans with harmonised atonements and excuses. The pair are tipped to top the charts with such classics as, ‘Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word’, ‘Careless Whispers’ and ‘A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You’ by the Monkees.

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Posted: Jun 26th, 2014
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Political parties given go ahead for new Subliminal Election Broadcasts

public currently still thinking for themselvesFrom next year, the traditional Party Election Broadcast will be replaced by a blipvert that operates below the threshold of human conscious perception. ‘The old party political broadcasts suffered from a terrible flaw,’ explained Tory party strategist Lynton Crosby. ‘As soon as anyone realised they were watching one, they immediately switched over.’

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Posted: May 6th, 2014
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‘Banks to be replaced with sweeties and bouncy castles’, promises Milliband

Labour leader Ed Milliband has given a pre-election pledge to replace failing high street banks with bouncy castles and to give all Labour voters a ‘big bag of sweeties’.

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2014
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Police on hunt for MP seen sticking to principles

‘Ms Lucas has been reported flashing her values for all to see,’ said a spokesman for Sussex constabulary. ‘This is a clear attempt to expose the young and impressionable to the concept of duty, solidarity and lentil soup. Clearly she must be stopped.’

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Posted: Aug 21st, 2013
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Looters apologise to communities for causing two days of visits by politicians

kept asking if anyone fancied a game of wiff waff‘We have to accept that we were not prepared for the consequences of our actions,’ said a senior looter in Ealing, west London.

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Posted: Aug 11th, 2011
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