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Posts Tagged ‘Ed Milliband’

‘Banks to be replaced with sweeties and bouncy castles’, promises Milliband

Labour leader Ed Milliband has given a pre-election pledge to replace failing high street banks with bouncy castles and to give all Labour voters a ‘big bag of sweeties’.

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2014
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Police on hunt for MP seen sticking to principles

‘Ms Lucas has been reported flashing her values for all to see,’ said a spokesman for Sussex constabulary. ‘This is a clear attempt to expose the young and impressionable to the concept of duty, solidarity and lentil soup. Clearly she must be stopped.’

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Posted: Aug 21st, 2013
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Looters apologise to communities for causing two days of visits by politicians

kept asking if anyone fancied a game of wiff waff‘We have to accept that we were not prepared for the consequences of our actions,’ said a senior looter in Ealing, west London.

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Posted: Aug 11th, 2011
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Letters ‘M’ & ‘N’ reoved from alphabet due to goverent cuts

David Caero ade the shock aouceet i the house of coos today that the alphabet would shrik to just twety four letters with iediate effect, sayig that “Labour left us owig billios ad billios of pouds ad tough decisios have to be ade”.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2011
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Coalition slammed for lack of plans to lose census information

address of Russian criminal gang on pre-paid reply envelope 'a nice touch'David Cameron has today issued a statement in response to growing rumours that the government currently has no plan in place for how it intends to lose the information gathered from the 2011 census. With the date of the census now passed and postboxes up and down the country stuffed full of envelopes slightly too large to fit easily through the slot, Cameron moved quickly to reassure the public that the coalition government fully intends to misplace all of the information gathered, but that it is in no rush to decide exactly how to do so.

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Posted: Mar 29th, 2011
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