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Posts Tagged ‘Edinburgh’

Edinburgh’s new tramp service finally opens

‘We are bringing back the good old days when there was vomit on every street corner and a wanking hobo on every park bench,’ said a Scottish department of culture spokesman. ‘In fact, we spent over £7 million to make sure that there is a homeless junkie every 30 feet along the Royal Mile.’

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Posted: Jun 3rd, 2014
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Berlusconi doing community service inseminating pandas

Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi will spend his community service trying to inseminate a giant panda at Edinburgh zoo, following failed attempts to mate her with a male panda.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2014
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Scots’ Justice Secretary to release Pandas on compassionate grounds

Two pandas recently incarcerated in an Edinburgh zoo are to be released on compassionate grounds after one of them was found to be suffering from terminal prostate cancer. The animals, destined to spend the rest of their lives behind bars after being found guilty of ‘looking really cute’ could be released as early as next week.

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Posted: Dec 28th, 2011
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Scottish Widows lady told ‘Get over it’

The attractive lady who has been dressed in black in the Scottish Widows adverts for the past couple of decades has been told to get over her husband’s death and move on.

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Posted: Nov 26th, 2006
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