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Posts Tagged ‘Edinburgh’

Students ‘ecstatic’ to be returning to parents’ homes

and booze is even cheaper than in the union barThe nation’s university students are said to be ‘overjoyed’ to have escaped the oppression and abject tedium of government-funded piss-ups and sexual exploration and returned home to the exciting, argument-free households of their parents for the festive season.

‘It’s not as if we don’t love our Uni friends,’ said Joe Mappin, a politics student at Edinburgh, ‘of course we do. But that doesn’t necessarily mean spending time with them is easy. It’s just too difficult to avoid drama when you put your whole friendship group in the same room. They’re at each other’s throats after the slightest comment, rehashing old arguments seemingly just out of boredom. What you want is family. They’re just up for a good, relaxed time.’

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Posted: Dec 17th, 2014
More from Education



Critically acclaimed street performer actually ‘pissed angry dosser’, says Fringe

Fringe Festival organisers have confirmed today that a man who has been delighting tourists on Edinburgh’s High Street is not an ‘artsy street performer’, but actually a local homeless man with alcohol issues and an aggressive personality disorder.

The clarification comes after the Guardian gave the man, known locally as ‘Mad Davie’, a five-star review. ‘Street theatre doesn’t get any better than this’, claimed critic Fenton Barnes in the misguided and widely-read review. ‘The boorishness of Mad Davie’s performance is a wonderful counterpoint to all that is going on around him – in Mad Davie’s hands being told to ‘eff off back where ye come from’ – is truly exhilarating.

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Posted: Aug 5th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment



Edinburgh’s new tramp service finally opens

‘We are bringing back the good old days when there was vomit on every street corner and a wanking hobo on every park bench,’ said a Scottish department of culture spokesman. ‘In fact, we spent over £7 million to make sure that there is a homeless junkie every 30 feet along the Royal Mile.’

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Posted: Jun 3rd, 2014
More from News In Brief



Berlusconi doing community service inseminating pandas

Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi will spend his community service trying to inseminate a giant panda at Edinburgh zoo, following failed attempts to mate her with a male panda.

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Posted: Apr 20th, 2014
More from World News



Scots’ Justice Secretary to release Pandas on compassionate grounds

Two pandas recently incarcerated in an Edinburgh zoo are to be released on compassionate grounds after one of them was found to be suffering from terminal prostate cancer. The animals, destined to spend the rest of their lives behind bars after being found guilty of ‘looking really cute’ could be released as early as next week.

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Posted: Dec 28th, 2011
More from News In Brief