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Posts Tagged ‘Education’

All childhood aspirations to be erased

‘Unachievable’ career ambitions of youngsters are to be treated with memory-loss drugs to improve the alignment of hopes with reality, a Government spokesman has confirmed.

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Posted: Aug 24th, 2015
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Academies ‘just a posh word for schools’, expert admits

An expert formerly employed by the Department of Education, now thought to have gone rogue, admitted today that the government’s much-vaunted ‘academies’ programme consists solely of calling schools by another word that means the same thing.

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Posted: Jul 25th, 2015
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Government confirms that ‘Gove’ is not to be used as a verb

A memorandum sent to all government departments has cautioned against use of the word ‘Gove’ as a verb, such as in the phrase ‘to Gove the department’, ‘the education system’s completely Goved up’ and ‘what the Gove is he doing with freedom of information’.

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Posted: Jun 25th, 2015
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Social workers to be fast-tracked to a nervous breakdown

best to get it over with quickly, says governmentStudents will be air-dropped, naked, into the most challenging urban areas in the country

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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Gove to academise Prisons

still likely to change his mind on a weekly basisDavid Cameron’s first instruction to new Justice Secretary Michael Gove, his most significant appointment of his new Cabinet, is to unleash George Eliot’s ‘Middlemarch’ upon unsuspecting prison inmates now that his predecessor Chris Grayling’s book ban has been reversed.

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Posted: May 10th, 2015
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