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Posts Tagged ‘Education’

Lib Dems to eliminate main cause of childhood illiteracy – stupid children

another vote winner!In a bold statement of intent, Liberal Democratic Party leader Nick Clegg has set out his kid-free vision of the future. With a clear manifesto commitment, the Liberal Democrats expect to put an end to small people saying ‘I’m bored’ or ‘It’s not fair’ and monopolising all the jelly. By 2025, the Lib Dems have also promised to eradicate nose-picking in public.

A party spokeswoman explained: ‘We are not going to euthanise the grammatically challenged kiddie-winks as such. That would be cruel and, more to the point, time-consuming. We are just going to reclassify them as ‘stupid very young adults’. As such, they will be legally entitled to vote Liberal Democrat.’

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2015
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Boko Haram criticises ‘excessive’ GCSE coursework

just the first step...Boko Haram, the Islamist movement opposed to Western education, has joined forces with Mumsnet to criticise GCSE coursework requirements. Abubakar Shekau, leader of Boko Haram, took part in an online debate yesterday where he slated Department of Education guidelines and called for a boycott of GCSE coursework in non-core subjects, as well as the establishment of a global caliphate and the wholesale slaughter of infidels.

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2015
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Teachers say MPs should commit to their profession by taking a ‘Hypocritic Oath’

Teachers around the country have voted in favour of getting MPs to take a ‘hypocritic oath’ in the hope that it would make them ‘try harder in future’ to keep standards of hypocrisy at a level in line with public expectations.

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Posted: Oct 13th, 2014
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Primary school regrets joining ‘Adopt-a-Whale’ scheme

Well intentioned youngsters found their philanthropic instincts curbed forever yesterday as a fully grown blue whale was delivered to the playground of Sacred Heart Primary School in Duffield, Derbyshire, squashing the empty nursery annexe and frightening youngsters with its struggle to adapt to the confined space of the nature corner.

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Posted: Oct 1st, 2014
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Alice Cooper ‘relishing’ prospect of annual UK royalty cheque

In good years the total amount can be as high as $62.

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Posted: Jul 23rd, 2014
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