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Posts Tagged ‘Education’

Social workers to be fast-tracked to a nervous breakdown

best to get it over with quickly, says governmentStudents will be air-dropped, naked, into the most challenging urban areas in the country

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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Gove to academise Prisons

still likely to change his mind on a weekly basisDavid Cameron’s first instruction to new Justice Secretary Michael Gove, his most significant appointment of his new Cabinet, is to unleash George Eliot’s ‘Middlemarch’ upon unsuspecting prison inmates now that his predecessor Chris Grayling’s book ban has been reversed.

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Posted: May 10th, 2015
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Maverick headteachers kidnap Ofsted

Following complaints from the National Union of Whinging Heads that Ofsted is suppressing ‘maverick’ tendencies, an elite squad of maverick headteachers has taken ‘assertive action’ against the education regulator.

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Posted: May 2nd, 2015
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Michael Gove unveils revisionist history syllabus featuring “World War Fun!”

Your country needs ME!Out goes the image of General Sir Douglas Haig as a ruthless incompetent and in comes the image of General Sir Douglas Haig the caring sensitive, people-friendly line manager.

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Posted: Feb 14th, 2015
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Lib Dems to eliminate main cause of childhood illiteracy – stupid children

another vote winner!In a bold statement of intent, Liberal Democratic Party leader Nick Clegg has set out his kid-free vision of the future. With a clear manifesto commitment, the Liberal Democrats expect to put an end to small people saying ‘I’m bored’ or ‘It’s not fair’ and monopolising all the jelly. By 2025, the Lib Dems have also promised to eradicate nose-picking in public.

A party spokeswoman explained: ‘We are not going to euthanise the grammatically challenged kiddie-winks as such. That would be cruel and, more to the point, time-consuming. We are just going to reclassify them as ‘stupid very young adults’. As such, they will be legally entitled to vote Liberal Democrat.’

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2015
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