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Posts Tagged ‘election’

UN asked to intervene in Obama-Cameron ‘bromance’

US and UK set to veto any end to 'relations'The UN has been called upon to act ‘swiftly and decisively’ amid worsening affection between Barack Obama and David Cameron at the Whitehouse last week. Public decency is said to be in tatters after lurid scenes of togetherness between the US president and his ‘bro’ were aired on prime-time television with no warning. Rumours that Cameron referred to Obama as his ‘homie’ are mercifully unconfirmed.

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Posted: Jan 18th, 2015
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Election campaigns kick start five months of uninterrupted lying

best to hide under the sofa until it's all overWith fingers crossed, fidgeting and winking to the camera, Prime Minister David Cameron fired the starting pistol to the longest sustained stream of affluent effluent in electoral history. He was swiftly joined by the leaders of all the main political parties keen to shovel on extra dollops of steaming manifesto do-do’s and don’t-don’ts.

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Posted: Jan 4th, 2015
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Trumpton constituency “winnable”, say UKIP

The marginal constituency of Trumpton East & Chigley is “absolutely on our list of winnable seats”, says UKIP, after persuading local residents that it is actually a real party, not something made up to entertain children.

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Posted: Dec 8th, 2014
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Countdown to general election: the nation rejoices

The by-elections in Clacton and Heywood have led to bunting being put up and spontaneous dancing in the streets across the land as it finally dawned on the electorate that a general election is only months away.

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Posted: Oct 10th, 2014
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Miliband asks for ten years to fix Manchester United

Time's upIn a bold statement of intent, the Labour Leader Ed Miliband has set out a ten-year plan to reverse the damage done by successive managers at Old Trafford. Whilst many of his critics suggested that a decent centre half and holding midfielder would be sufficient, a Labour spokesman insisted it would take a long-term economic plan to improve results, clone Ryan Giggs and change the word ‘United’ to ‘City’ on the stationery.

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Posted: Sep 23rd, 2014
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