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A landmark ruling has overturned the ban on physical restraint being used on politicians during the election campaign. ‘Voters are now legally entitled to punch, kick and scratch anyone turning up at their door and asking for their vote,’ said the Lord Chief Justice, ‘It is clear provocation.’

The decision follows a number of high profile cases in which prospective parliamentary candidates were beaten to a bloody pulp on the doorstep. ‘When I opened my door this madman began hitting me with a list of manifesto pledges,’ said voter, Mrs Maureen Grebe, ‘When he started trying to kiss my baby I did what anyone would do in my situation. I twatted him round the head with a cricket bat.’

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Posted: Apr 9th, 2010
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As conference season heralds the start of electioneering the main political parties have agreed to include a set of terms and conditions within their 2010 Election Manifestos in order to improve customer satisfaction.

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Posted: Oct 7th, 2009
More from News In Brief

Following an intense three hour cabinet meeting yesterday, the British government has embarked on a radical, election winning new initiative by turning its attentions to actually governing the country.

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Posted: Oct 5th, 2009
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Shame-faced US government officials have admitted that the country has simply ‘forgotten’ to complete the 2008 Presidential elections. The realization came after a surprise phone call from a lonely Barack Obama alerted busy officials that nobody had thought to complete the sequence of primaries that was supposed to settle the issue of who would compete in the Presidential election that had once been scheduled for November.

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Posted: Apr 11th, 2008
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