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Posts Tagged ‘Elizabeth II’

Royal Jubilee engagements causing backlog of unopened supermarkets

Supermarket giants including Tesco and Sainsbury’s have led angry calls for the Royal Family to ‘stop fannying about for the Jubilee’ after news emerged that forty fully-stocked supermarkets have been left unopened for months.

‘We’ve been continuing to expand our operations across the United Kingdom,’ said Tesco chief executive Philip Clarke. ‘But since this Diamond Jubilee nonsense started, we’ve been left with 17 stores ready to go but unopened because the Royals are all booked up reading the weather or dancing with Usain Bolt in Jamaica or sailing down the bloody Thames.’

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Posted: Jun 1st, 2012
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What Queen actually needs is a stiff drink, insists Palace

After Prince Harry claimed that the Queen relies on the love and support of The Duke of Edinburgh, Buckingham Palace has rebuked him publicly and insisted that she actually relies on a steady supply of gin to get her through the tedious business of reigning over us.

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Posted: Feb 4th, 2012
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Woman said to have done the same job for sixty years never actually had a job

Claims that a Windsor woman has done the same job for sixty years have been challenged on the grounds that she has never had a job.

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Posted: Feb 2nd, 2012
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