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Posts Tagged ‘elton john’

Putin consults Wizzard over Ukraine crisis

Having agreed to meet Elton John to discuss gay rights, the Russian President has laid out a schedule to meet other ‘influential’ 70’s glam rockers to improve his international relations. First on his list will be Roy Wood, ensuring that for the people of the Ukraine it is Christmas is every day; meaning cold, bleak and with the surprise gift of annexation.

A wide range of initiatives will set pulses racing throughout the UN, as Putin himself coordinates foreign policy resplendent in a Suzi Quatro leather jumpsuit. A Kremlin spokesman confirmed: ‘Encouraged by ‘Mott The Hoople’, all the young dudes on board the our Caspian Flotilla will be launching cruise missiles into Syria. While, advised by ‘The Sweet’, every ballroom in Damascus will be blitzed’.

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Posted: Nov 6th, 2015
More from World News

Elton John plays tribute song as nation mourns death of Brown’s premiership

not a dry eye in the houseElton John will lead the mourners by playing a reworded version of The Stranglers classic Golden Brown.

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Posted: May 4th, 2015
More from From The Archives

Elton John to adopt Madonna in row over ‘same sex’ families

Reports are just coming in that, after realising he has a ‘same sex’ family, Elton John is about to adopt fellow musical superstar Madonna out of pity.

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Posted: Mar 18th, 2015
More from News In Brief

Elton John to marry himself

still capable of standingSir Elton John is to marry himself in what is expected to be one of the most glittering ceremonies ever seen. The marriage has thus far been disallowed on the basis that he is the same sex as himself, though a change in the law means the Rocket Man singer can now fulfil his lifetime’s ambition.

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Posted: Mar 31st, 2014
More from Celebrity

John Cage ‘still being cheated out of royalties for his silent work’

nothing to see here, just cough a bit, and move along (© NewsBiscuit)‘I’ve lost count of the times I’ve caught office staff getting on with their work while shamelessly listening to 4’33”.’

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Posted: Oct 25th, 2010
More from Arts/Entertainment