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Government now fears ‘extraterrestrial benefit spongers’
‘They’ll probably be concealing illegal migrants from somewhere or other in the solar system just here to scrounge or take our British jobs’ [read...]
Tagged employment
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Rees-Mogg to tackle unemployment among seven-year-olds
Having landed the handy number of Leader of the House, and therefore with very little else to do to get his day in but ponce about Westminster and scare small children, the sepulchral Jacob Rees-Mogg has been asked by Boris Johnson to brainstorm a new scheme that will see up to 95% of all children over the age of seven holding down weekend job by this time next year. [read...]
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Unemployment figures slashed as government deems motherhood a full-time job
In the latest bid to tackle soaring unemployment figures, the government has today announced the reclassification of motherhood as full-time employment. [read...]
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Millions of Romanians, Bulgarians preparing to ‘avoid UK like the plague’
Fears of a huge influx of immigrants from Romania and Bulgaria have given way to indignation after a poll showed workers from the two countries are preparing to ‘avoid Britain like the plague’, [read...]
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Rejected postman lacked ‘professional walking experience’
Royal Mail yesterday denied discrimination after turning down a student for the role of holiday cover postman due to his lack of ‘professional walking experience’.
Mark Pye, studying for an MSc, was left fuming when a 19 year old working for Royal Mail’s recruitment partner told him his CV failed to demonstrated the necessary experience of ‘putting one foot in front of the other whilst holding a bag’. [read...]