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Posts Tagged ‘EU’

Greggs to fill out prescriptions for certified obese patients

‘Adapted lifts with snack dispensers, paving that makes a cracking sound as we approach the roadside.’ Spears held up a pie-shaped card as a model for parking badges for the obese, apologising for the bite marks around the edge.

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Posted: Dec 20th, 2014
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Government urged to pass law stopping Poles from going home

Polish people will be returned to their jobs as plumbers, builders and waitresses.

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Posted: Nov 21st, 2014
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European immigrant report ‘tarnished with facts’ say UKIP

The revelation by University College London that European immigrants have contributed £20 billion more in taxes than they have taken in benefits has been criticised by Nigel Farage as ‘blighted by facts,’ adding, ‘just because it proves the opposite to what we’ve been saying ignores the simple fact that British people don’t like Europeans.’

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Posted: Nov 6th, 2014
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Cameron slams EU diseases as un-British

David Cameron has raised concerns over the quality of EU diseases and called on member states to follow the UK’s lead with such ‘splendid’ infections as whooping cough, chicken pox and scrofula. He singled out syphilis and bubonic plague as ‘shoddy and mean spirited’

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2014
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Spain snaps-up disused ‘Go Home Vans’ to rid Costa Del Sol of ‘annoying English’

Nobody expected the Spanish exposition ‘They’re just really rubbish tourists; they can’t even tan properly.’

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2014
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