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Posts Tagged ‘EU’

EU fence-making industry booming

With the migrant crisis showing no signs of abating, the EU today reported that the fastest growing industry within its borders is the manufacture of fences.

The news came on the back of reports that both Croatia and Slovenia are considering controls on their borders, similar to the ones implemented by Hungary over the last week. With both Hungary and Bulgaria looking to fences as a method to control the flow into their countries, the news has further bolstered the burgeoning fence industry.

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Posted: Sep 18th, 2015
More from World News

Tabloids produce something more distasteful than a Diana plate

Daily Express readers were flocking to their phones this morning to place a deposit on a newly minted Royal Worcester set of chinaware – featuring the short, tragic but impactful life of a deceased refugee ‘of your choice’. The centrepiece of the collection is a gravy boat depicting a body strewn Turkish beach; which guarantees to transform the tone of your after-dinner tete a tete from abhorrence of scrounging migrants to the economic possibilities afforded by refugees.

‘Ever since these powerful images appeared, we have been inundated with requests to do something that will never be forgotten, preferably unsavoury…’

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Posted: Sep 8th, 2015
More from World News

We ♥ Migrants

Politicians and giddy school girls alike have stormed the internet in search for tips on how to copy the latest fashion sensation – ‘Refugee Chic’. Anyone who is anyone is desperate to get themselves photographed next to a drowned body, a reeking container or a somewhat stressed-looking border guard.

One designer declared: ‘Migrants are so 2015. Sunken cheeks, hollow eyes and a rather damp smell. You can mix and match any clothing or colours, provided it looks like you’re wearing your entire wardrobe. And no outfit would be complete without figure-hugging children, draped over your shoulders’.

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Posted: Sep 7th, 2015
More from Lifestyle

Chelmsford man holds referendum on paying his bills this month

Paul Willis of Chelmsford has taken the unusual step of opting out his financial responsibilities while at the same time demanding that his neighbours continue to send him food parcels and mow his lawn. Inspired by the Greek people, the 66-year-old hairdresser took a detailed poll of all those living at his address, including the cat, and received a unanimous mandate to stop paying his mortgage, tipping waiters or funding future Christmas presents.

‘I have taken a democratic decision to ignore my existing debts and I would ask my creditors to respect that,’ Willis told the Chelmsford Reporter. ‘To begin with I was a little unsure, but choosing not to pay has been a great weight off my shoulders. And to those I owe money to I would say, please keep putting things on my tab, I’ll settle up eventually – honest.’

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Posted: Jul 8th, 2015
More from UK News

Greeks vote to kick the can over the wall

In a referendum asking whether they wanted to kick the can down the road or to kick the can a long way down the road, the Greek people voted instead to kick the can over the wall. The government now seems likely to demand a never-ending supply of further, increasingly large, cans for them to continue to kick over the wall.

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Posted: Jul 6th, 2015
More from News In Brief