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Posts Tagged ‘EU’

Chelmsford man holds referendum on paying his bills this month

Paul Willis of Chelmsford has taken the unusual step of opting out his financial responsibilities while at the same time demanding that his neighbours continue to send him food parcels and mow his lawn. Inspired by the Greek people, the 66-year-old hairdresser took a detailed poll of all those living at his address, including the cat, and received a unanimous mandate to stop paying his mortgage, tipping waiters or funding future Christmas presents.

‘I have taken a democratic decision to ignore my existing debts and I would ask my creditors to respect that,’ Willis told the Chelmsford Reporter. ‘To begin with I was a little unsure, but choosing not to pay has been a great weight off my shoulders. And to those I owe money to I would say, please keep putting things on my tab, I’ll settle up eventually – honest.’

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Posted: Jul 8th, 2015
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Greeks vote to kick the can over the wall

In a referendum asking whether they wanted to kick the can down the road or to kick the can a long way down the road, the Greek people voted instead to kick the can over the wall. The government now seems likely to demand a never-ending supply of further, increasingly large, cans for them to continue to kick over the wall.

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Posted: Jul 6th, 2015
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Cameron claims his threat to disembowel anyone voting no ‘was misinterpreted’

‘I was misinterpreted,’ insisted the Prime Minister today regarding his statement that ‘any Conservative MP who dares to vote to leave the EU will have their stomach pulled out through their throat and reinserted up their bumhole.’

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Posted: Jun 9th, 2015
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British porn industry to hold EU mass debate

in Europe, but not dominated by EuropeThe British porn industry has revealed that it will hold its own in-out debate ahead of the EU referendum in 2017.

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Posted: May 23rd, 2015
More from Arts/Entertainment

‘Mr Straight Banana’ to revive UKIP campaign

In an attempt to rejuvenate their stumbling general election campaign, UKIP have unleashed their secret weapon. ‘Mr Straight Banana’, who is eight foot tall and bright yellow, will accompany UKIP candidates to key marginals in the South-East.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2015
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