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Posts Tagged ‘European Union’

EU recalibration means the eradication of little old ladies by 2014

Ladies over the age of 65 and under 145cm (4’9’’) will be classed as ‘Petite or Small’, those between 145cm and 165cm (5’5’’) will be ‘Moyenne or Medium’, and those above 165cm will be ‘Grande or Tall’.

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Posted: Mar 15th, 2011
More from News In Brief



Gregg’s Steak Bake granted special ‘Ubiquity’ status

Gregg’s Steak Bake has been awarded Unprotected Geographical Indication status. It means that the inexplicably popular snack can be produced, sold and consumed ‘wherever there is a ready supply of cheap, mechanically recovered meat’

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Posted: Feb 24th, 2011
More from News In Brief



Stealth bribe technology lands Britain Eurofighter deal with India

bid included flock wallpaperSuperior home-grown stealth technology has made the necessary bribes undetectable to conventional systems.

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Posted: Nov 9th, 2010
More from World News



EU ruling forces ITV to broadcast ‘Europe’s Got Talent’.

The EU ruled that ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ must be made open to all EU citizens next year. British citizens will be entitled to enter European versions of the show, including ‘Luxembourg’s Got Talent’, which is yet to find a winner after 20 years.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2010
More from News In Brief



Bonfire night celebrations after discovery of Tory plans to destroy European Parliament

a night to celebrate, every year, for at least 400 yearsEuropeans took to the streets in celebration today after foiling a daring plot by the Conservative Party to ‘completely eradicate’ the European Parliament. On the night of November 5th a man was discovered in a cellar underneath the European Parliament drafting a carefully-worded letter to the Council of Ministers tentatively asking if it would possibly be all right if Westminster might have some of its powers back, as long as they didn’t mind. Soon afterwards effigies of David Cameron were being lit and fireworks set off in a collective outpouring of relief that the Tory conspiracy had come to light now, giving the 26 EU member states precious time to compose themselves and prepare a suitably diplomatic response.

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Posted: Nov 6th, 2009
More from Politics