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Posts Tagged ‘European Union’

Mobsters bemoan new EU ‘opt-in assassination’ clause

Mobsters, hit-men, and serial assassins have joined forces to condemn new European Union regulations which prohibit any persons that have a ‘beef with the boss’ being ‘checked into the wooden Waldorf’ unless they have given their express written permission in triplicate first.

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Posted: Jun 18th, 2012
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EU recalibration means the eradication of little old ladies by 2014

Ladies over the age of 65 and under 145cm (4’9’’) will be classed as ‘Petite or Small’, those between 145cm and 165cm (5’5’’) will be ‘Moyenne or Medium’, and those above 165cm will be ‘Grande or Tall’.

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Posted: Mar 15th, 2011
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Gregg’s Steak Bake granted special ‘Ubiquity’ status

Gregg’s Steak Bake has been awarded Unprotected Geographical Indication status. It means that the inexplicably popular snack can be produced, sold and consumed ‘wherever there is a ready supply of cheap, mechanically recovered meat’

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Posted: Feb 24th, 2011
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Stealth bribe technology lands Britain Eurofighter deal with India

bid included flock wallpaperSuperior home-grown stealth technology has made the necessary bribes undetectable to conventional systems.

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Posted: Nov 9th, 2010
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EU ruling forces ITV to broadcast ‘Europe’s Got Talent’.

The EU ruled that ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ must be made open to all EU citizens next year. British citizens will be entitled to enter European versions of the show, including ‘Luxembourg’s Got Talent’, which is yet to find a winner after 20 years.

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Posted: Jun 8th, 2010
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