The EU ruled that ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ must be made open to all EU citizens next year. British citizens will be entitled to enter European versions of the show, including ‘Luxembourg’s Got Talent’, which is yet to find a winner after 20 years.
Posted: Jun 8th, 2010
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Europeans took to the streets in celebration today after foiling a daring plot by the Conservative Party to ‘completely eradicate’ the European Parliament. On the night of November 5th a man was discovered in a cellar underneath the European Parliament drafting a carefully-worded letter to the Council of Ministers tentatively asking if it would possibly be all right if Westminster might have some of its powers back, as long as they didn’t mind. Soon afterwards effigies of David Cameron were being lit and fireworks set off in a collective outpouring of relief that the Tory conspiracy had come to light now, giving the 26 EU member states precious time to compose themselves and prepare a suitably diplomatic response.
Posted: Nov 6th, 2009
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The Highways Agency announced proposals to make stopping at red traffic lights optional rather than mandatory, following publication of research showing that most motorists consider the ‘endless’ 50-second wait for lights to change to green a bigger inconvenience than the possibility of permanent injury or death.
Posted: May 21st, 2009
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European Union Spokesman Gerd Muller clarified the wording of a directive that had seen wine bars and coffee shops in the UK legally required to play CDs by the Gipsy Kings, insisting the group’s flamenco-tinged cover versions were ‘highly recommended but not obligatory’.
Posted: May 18th, 2009
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New emoticons express mild wry amusement or the kind of half-smile that seems to concur with another person but actually signifies complete disagreement.
Posted: Mar 26th, 2009
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