‘It had been hibernating for years but we managed to tempt it out with a small bottle of Krug and a free trip to the Eurovision Song Contest.’
Posted: May 15th, 2013
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‘My first task is help sex up Mr Cameron’s image,’ explained the septuagenarian pop sensation. ‘To appeal to that all-important female demographic, David is growing a nice pair of mutton chop side burns.’
Posted: Mar 5th, 2012
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‘The proposals were not in the interests of the UK,’ explained the Prime Minister. ‘In my opinion they were not conducive to ensuring that the best song wins. I’m just as fed up with those Balkan states voting for each other as anybody. Why on earth Blue didn’t do better last time beggers belief.’
Posted: Dec 9th, 2011
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‘Why have we been coming last all the time? Because we’re unpopular or the songs are atonal crap? Of course not, it’s because the voting system used is deeply flawed.’
Posted: Mar 11th, 2011
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