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Posts Tagged ‘euthanasia’

Lib Dems to eliminate main cause of childhood illiteracy – stupid children

another vote winner!In a bold statement of intent, Liberal Democratic Party leader Nick Clegg has set out his kid-free vision of the future. With a clear manifesto commitment, the Liberal Democrats expect to put an end to small people saying ‘I’m bored’ or ‘It’s not fair’ and monopolising all the jelly. By 2025, the Lib Dems have also promised to eradicate nose-picking in public.

A party spokeswoman explained: ‘We are not going to euthanise the grammatically challenged kiddie-winks as such. That would be cruel and, more to the point, time-consuming. We are just going to reclassify them as ‘stupid very young adults’. As such, they will be legally entitled to vote Liberal Democrat.’

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2015
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Stafford Hospital to become branch of Dignitas

‘We just put Dignitas stickers over anything which says NHS Stafford, but otherwise everything else stays exactly the same.’

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Posted: Aug 2nd, 2013
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‘Embarrassing’ Britain is humanely destroyed

‘It seemed like the kindest thing to do’ explained Britain’s European relative Germany. ‘He kept trying to pretend that he was still one of the big boys, entering into military campaigns he couldn’t really afford and acting like he was still one of the major world economies. It was so sad.’

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Posted: Mar 23rd, 2011
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Euthanasia clinic says no more cheques

A leading euthanasia clinic in Switzerland is now to require full payment up front after accepting cheques from customers which subsequently bounced.

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Posted: Oct 28th, 2009
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Spectacular suicides now available from Swiss clinic Indignitas

immortality beckonsThe ‘Jim Morrison’ deal, a Paris-based weekend break includes drugs, alcohol and sex followed by drowning in a bath. 

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Posted: Jul 23rd, 2009
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