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Posts Tagged ‘expenses’

MPs to wear sackcloth and ashes in penance for pay rise

With outrage over their proposed 10% pay rise growing daily, Britain’s MPs have reached a cross-party consensus to wear coarse, ill-fitting sackcloth tunics and cover their heads with ash, in an effort to show due contrition for their £74,000 annual salary.

‘Considering that members of the public would be lucky if they got even a 1% pay rise, it is important for us to assure our constituents that we are receiving our inflation-busting increase with extreme reluctance’ Parliamentary Standards Commissioner Derek Corbright told a packed House today. ‘Publicly debasing ourselves as we pocket our bulging pay packets will go a long way to assuage the anger of those hard-pressed families as they struggle on the breadline without the benefits of a second home or a seat on the board of a multinational corporation.’

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2015
More from Politics



Millions watch idiot UKIP candidate totally ‘eclipse’ idiot UKIP leader

Vote UKIPSchool children, wearing protective goggles, were yesterday treated to the rare glimpse of Nigel Farage’s face been obscured in tabloid papers by reports of a fraudulent UKIP colleague, Janice Atkinson.

The expenses scandal of the MEP for England’s South East covered most of The Sun, which would normally be seen across the UK, shining out of Rupert Murdoch’s posterior.

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Posted: Mar 20th, 2015
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Red Face Day to raise funds for Coalition In Need

‘Just imagine the plight of MPs who face the constant stress of job insecurity, with no guarantee of a sinecure when they are finally found out,’ said unfunnyman Lenny Henry, launching this year’s Red Face Day. ‘These people often have to trek through the commuter belt between their first and second homes, running the gauntlet of hostile natives.’

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Posted: Nov 1st, 2013
More from News In Brief



‘Conscience’ money boxes to be put in Houses of Parliament

Lords and members have been encouraged to ‘take what money they need, according to their consciences’. The boxes will be topped up half-hourly. ‘Now that we have made sleaze a thing of the past,’ said David Cameron, ‘it is time for us to treat Lords and members with the respect they deserve as honest, principled and unselfish people’.

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Posted: Jul 14th, 2010
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Jacqui Smith’s husband ‘can keep porn expenses but must repay claim for tissues’, says inquiry

Absence made the wrist grow strongerRichard Timney’s claim for six large boxes of tissues must be repaid after being deemed ‘excessive’, even when accepting that the films in question were ‘absolute belters’.

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Posted: Oct 15th, 2009
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