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Posts Tagged ‘Facebook’

Facebook promises for big New Year plans ‘to be tested in June’

they'll be watching youAll those who publicly air their New Year promises and plans with really long Facebook status updates will be ‘thoroughly tested in June’, according to a new initiative.

The government funded scheme, which aims to reduce cases of stress and depression throughout the UK, has advised everybody who plans to compose an inspiring and ambitions Facebook status that they will face a series of ‘cutting and sobering questions’, at some point in June, such as; ‘aren’t you supposed to be in Cambodia’? Or; ‘why are you still seventeen-stone?’

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Posted: Jan 1st, 2014
More from Lifestyle



Selfies to be legal tender

every one a work of artWith UK banks soon to follow the US in allowing customers to pay in cheques via their mobile, the Treasury has announced that our entire photographic library is to become an acceptable form of payment by 2017. Account holders will regularly upload images of the inside of their pocket, blurred relatives and the occasional photobomb by Pope Francis.

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Posted: Dec 26th, 2013
More from Business



‘And that’s why I don’t bother voting anymore’ explains John from Accounts

Office workers in Reading learned of co-worker John Hunter’s reasons for not exercising his democratic right to vote anymore yesterday, during an extensive lecture during their lunch break.

The twenty-seven minute diatribe about ‘The good old days’ with frequent references to how ‘People had respect for each other’ included repeated claims that ‘You didn’t lock your front doors, because you didn’t need to’. At one point John seemingly lost his focus and digressed into details about how ‘I remember when this was all fields’ before returning to the subject in hand and explaining ‘There was none of this Health and Safety nonsense either’.

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Posted: Dec 15th, 2013
More from Lifestyle



Cancer still fatal despite NHS Facebook page

‘Fatal diseases are still by-passing our leafleting campaigns,’ admitted Health Minister Jeremy Hunt. ‘The NHS leads the world in leafleting and our use of Facebook as a distribution medium is world-class, so the latest figures are particularly disappointing.’

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Posted: Dec 10th, 2013
More from News In Brief



Salford man in hiding after admitting he never met Mandela

‘What really brought it home to me was when my cousin Millicent said on Facebook that Mandela had been released from prison on her 18th birthday,’ said ‘Keith’. ‘Once someone has been touched by greatness in that way, it changes them. I realise now the Christmas present I bought for her is totally inadequate.’

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Posted: Dec 9th, 2013
More from News In Brief