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Posts Tagged ‘Facebook’

Lifelong friendship destroyed by pain-in-the-arse Facebook updates

'Poke me?'‘And their pets. Their stupid, stupid, stupid pets.’

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Posted: Jan 21st, 2014
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Global celebration as man announces safe pizza delivery arrival on Twitter

tweet went on to mention that historic pizza was even cheesier than usualBrian Atkins, a 45 year-old telecommunications enginner from Watford, today shocked the internet community by announcing that his ham and pineapple pizza with a garlic bread accompanyment had been delivered to him successfully by Luigi’s Pizza and Kebabs, also from Watford.

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Posted: Jan 10th, 2014
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Facebook promises for big New Year plans ‘to be tested in June’

they'll be watching youAll those who publicly air their New Year promises and plans with really long Facebook status updates will be ‘thoroughly tested in June’, according to a new initiative.

The government funded scheme, which aims to reduce cases of stress and depression throughout the UK, has advised everybody who plans to compose an inspiring and ambitions Facebook status that they will face a series of ‘cutting and sobering questions’, at some point in June, such as; ‘aren’t you supposed to be in Cambodia’? Or; ‘why are you still seventeen-stone?’

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Posted: Jan 1st, 2014
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Selfies to be legal tender

every one a work of artWith UK banks soon to follow the US in allowing customers to pay in cheques via their mobile, the Treasury has announced that our entire photographic library is to become an acceptable form of payment by 2017. Account holders will regularly upload images of the inside of their pocket, blurred relatives and the occasional photobomb by Pope Francis.

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Posted: Dec 26th, 2013
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‘And that’s why I don’t bother voting anymore’ explains John from Accounts

Office workers in Reading learned of co-worker John Hunter’s reasons for not exercising his democratic right to vote anymore yesterday, during an extensive lecture during their lunch break.

The twenty-seven minute diatribe about ‘The good old days’ with frequent references to how ‘People had respect for each other’ included repeated claims that ‘You didn’t lock your front doors, because you didn’t need to’. At one point John seemingly lost his focus and digressed into details about how ‘I remember when this was all fields’ before returning to the subject in hand and explaining ‘There was none of this Health and Safety nonsense either’.

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Posted: Dec 15th, 2013
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