The reason behind North Korea’s legendary paranoia was revealed as Kim Jong-Il died this week and Christmas across the world had to be cancelled at short notice. ‘Father Christmas is dead, we are nothing and our labours in his many toy factories have been pointless.’ Wept Kim News-Reader as she spoke to the nation.
Posted: Dec 20th, 2011
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‘In hindsight choosing 25th December was a mistake. We thought it would be a great time to have the festival – practically everyone’s off work for Christmas and the schools are closed. But in reality people are far too busy eating too much, getting pissed, trying to cop off at office parties and watching the My Family Christmas special.’
Posted: Dec 8th, 2011
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Stock markets have responded positively to news that Toyland’s Prime Minister Santo Nicalosi, better known as Santa Claus, or Sugar Daddy Christmas to his closest female admirers, is to step down after arranging a final delivery of toys for December.
Posted: Nov 10th, 2011
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Seven-year-old Josh Cooper was ‘angry, yet not altogether surprised’ yesterday when once again his parents failed to buy him a single Christmas present.
‘If it wasn’t for the XBox Kinect, Iron Man toys and new bike from Santa, it would not have been a very merry Christmas at all’.
Posted: Dec 25th, 2010
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Figures published today by the Ministry of Justice have revealed that the police continue to discriminate against ethnic minority Father Christmases, with Santas of colour almost 12 times more likely to be stopped and searched than their jolly white counterparts.
Posted: Dec 24th, 2010
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