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Posts Tagged ‘films’

Prescott turns down James Bond as ‘too misogynisticatal’

John Prescott has declined the role of James Bond because he felt the role was ‘a bit sexist’ and ‘lacked the scholasticated gravitas’ he would naturally bring to any performance, despite the inevitability of any public ballot for the role means that fans will overwhelmingly vote for him, particularly the ladies.

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Posted: Aug 17th, 2015
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Merchant Ivory release back catalogue in glorious 3D

Room for a better viewFilm-lovers from all around the UK, though mostly in the Home Counties, are abuzz this week with the re-release of every single Merchant Ivory film in spellbinding 3D, including classics like A Room With A View and The Remains Of The Day.

When asked why he had gone 3D with 55 different period dramas, director James Ivory said: ‘I felt it was time to reach a younger audience, like people in their 70s. If you think another shot of Anthony Hopkins gazing wistfully out of a window onto an Edwardian lawn can’t get any more exhilarating, wait until you see it in 3D. Honestly, it feels like you could reach out and stroke his croquet balls.’

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Posted: Jan 22nd, 2015
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Sony to fire film reels into North Korea in retaliation

Sony has vowed to retaliate against the ‘unwarranted hacking’ of its computer system by North Korea by moving a battery of film reel launchers up to the 38th parallel. ‘If they think The Candidate was disrespectful, wait until we lob copies of Bad Haircut, one of Ryan Sommers Baum’s best roles,’ a spokesman said.

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Posted: Dec 19th, 2014
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BFI ’caused the miners’ strike’

‘Scargill wasn’t fussed about striking,’ said a BFI insider. ‘He was more interested in designing breakfast cereal-themed hairstyles. Thatcher wasn’t that bothered, either – at the time she was contemplating leaving politics to set up an animal sanctuary within a lesbian commune.’

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Posted: Sep 26th, 2014
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BBFC issues new language guidelines for crap films

Citing audience surveys that concluded that people have ‘seen a shitload of crap films lately’, the BBFC has issued new guidelines that will break film releases into three categories: Good, (G) Bollocks (B) and Utter Shite (Pirates of the Caribbean 2)

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Posted: Jan 16th, 2014
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