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Posts Tagged ‘fire service’

Government to cut emergency services ‘to stop people needing help’

‘Pastimes such as candlelit dinners, smoking cigarettes while asleep and drying your shell-suits over the paraffin heater will become life-threatening adrenaline sports’ said a Downing Street spokesman.

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Posted: Oct 30th, 2014
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Fire Service decries rise in ‘our building’s on fire’ calls

‘This is thoughtless, reckless beheaviour’ explained Spokesman Ken Norris ‘It wastes our time and detracts from our crucial job work of rescuing cats from trees and posing for calendars.

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Posted: Oct 13th, 2013
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Fire Service needs Transformers, concludes independent report

a service the public can truly believe inFire and rescue services would be much better if staffed by ultra-powered giant robots, according to an independent review commissioned by the Government.

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Posted: May 18th, 2013
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Recruitment Drive Launched for Community Support Fire Officers

Applications are being invited for the new post of Community Support Fire Officer, which is aimed at civic-minded civilians who like to watch fires but lack the courage or skill to put them out.

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Posted: Oct 30th, 2009
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Fire Chief agrees ‘Urination ineffective as fire fighting technique’

pissing on fires 'never really going to work' ‘Even in extreme cases, the risk of 3rd degree burns means it isn’t worth it.’

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Posted: Mar 8th, 2009
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