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Posts Tagged ‘floods’

Government to step in to deal with floods of tax returns

The government has been forced to step in to deal with an expected deluge of millions of last-minute online tax returns on 31 January. Troops will be on standby to ensure phone lines are kept open, and GCHQ will temporarily lift surveillance activities to ensure there are no blockages.

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Posted: Feb 1st, 2014
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‘No lasting damage done in Somerset’ says thankful Environment Minister

Owen Patterson’s valet claims it took him nearly an hour to polish the Environment Minister’s brogues following his recent visit to the Somerset flood plains.
The valet told the Commons Expense Claims Committee that it took the best part of a £1.40 tin of Kiwi light-tan shoe polish to restore the brogues to their former glory.

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Posted: Jan 30th, 2014
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Ethiopia legalise gay marriage in bid to end drought

In a drastic attempt to exploit a religious loophole, Ethiopian President Mulatu Teshome yesterday announced plans to fast track a change in legislation which would legalise gay marriage in the predominantly Christian country, in a last ditch attempt to end drought.

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Posted: Jan 24th, 2014
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Welfare Budget could be reduced with Biblical Floods

Conservative think tanks have reached the conclusion that Britain could be purged of an unwanted 95% of the population, if we only we embraced the ‘golden opportunity’ offered by recent extreme weather conditions.

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Posted: Jan 9th, 2014
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Environment Agency to be abolished following failure to stop tide coming in

As temperate Britain transforms into a storm battered bastion offset from the ‘continent’, the British Government is throwing in the very soggy towel.

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Posted: Jan 6th, 2014
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