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Posts Tagged ‘flowers’

Harry calls for compulsory gardening duties for 18-20 year-olds

‘I dread to think where I’d be today if he hadn’t spent my formative years deadheading verbenas and repotting bromeliads in granny’s greenhouse,’ said the ginger-fingered hybrid.

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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Contrite Co-op Bank offers better financial products and great deals on crystal meth

hurry, while stocks can still be manipulatedThe newly appointed chief of the Co-Op Bank, Ursula Lidbetter, has hinted at an ‘exciting and lucrative’ change of direction for the business. At a hastily convened press conference the new Chief Executive, who gave her name only as “Heisenberg”, praised the spirit of mutuality on which the bank has always been based, which meant that customers would now be offered the innovative range of personal solutions that every other High Street Bank and their executives are currently keeping to themselves.

Products on offer include reasonable mortgages, competitive interest on savings and ‘Pure White’ and ‘Crystal Blue’ in small, neatly and discreetly branded packages at very competitive prices.

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Posted: Nov 20th, 2013
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Best not to steal Valentine flowers from graves, say women

Valentine’s Day flowers bought at the last minute from a petrol station forecourt are better received by a beloved than flowers stolen in a panic from a graveyard, according to a survey by Bride magazine.

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Posted: Feb 11th, 2012
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Garage flower display may be in line for top prize

The four bunches of red and greying carnations, wrapped in cellophane, have been described by a Kew Gardens expert as ‘an astonishing find, particularly at this time of night.’

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Posted: Jan 26th, 2012
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Man dismayed as petrol station flowers fail to end relationship

‘I’m running out of options,’ complained Peter, cutting his toenails and watching the women’s beach volleyball on Sky Sports 3.

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Posted: Feb 14th, 2008
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