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Posts Tagged ‘football’

BBC to save money by showing blokes watching programmes instead of programmes

blokes on sofa getting better deals by threatening to go to ITVBBC Director General Mark Thompson today announced that the BBC’s financial troubles could soon be behind them if a radical new approach to programming is implemented.

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Posted: Nov 3rd, 2015
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Sturridge in cotton wool collision horror

Liverpool ace Daniel Sturridge has been ruled out of contention for six weeks after a terrifying accident at his home. The injury was sustained when the striker tripped and fell into several giant balls of fluffy cotton wool, which the club use to line the walls of his house following recommendations from leading medical specialists. A team of surgeons was called in to assess the latest damage to Sturridge. They gave him a sicknote to take to Anfield, but unfortunately he sustained paper cuts as he was handing the document over to Liverpool’s new manager Jurgen Klopp.

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2015
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Tabloids schedule destruction of Gareth Bale for mid-March

won't be long now.. Do something ghastly, damn you

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Posted: Aug 23rd, 2015
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Arsenal put Jack Wilshere on zero-hours contract

In a move thought to be the first of its kind Arsenal have placed midfielder Jack Wilshere on a zero-hours contract after running out of patience with the constantly injured player. As a result Wilshere will now be paid only when he plays for the club, a move that is expected to reduce his monthly earnings from £360K to a projected £87.19.

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Posted: Aug 10th, 2015
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Study reveals bass players ‘every bit as dull as golfers’

First results show categorically that bass players exhibit almost exactly the same level of crowd-pleasing charisma usually found in golfers.

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2015
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