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Posts Tagged ‘football’

Giggs to wear Fergie mask while he manages United

might try superinjunctions to block poor refereeing decisionsHaving been installed as interim manager of Manchester United after the departure of David Moyes, Ryan Giggs is set to allay fears over his lack of managerial experience by wearing a cardboard mask of Sir Alex Ferguson’s face when he arrives to take training.

One of the main criticisms aimed at Moyes was his lack of trophy-winning pedigree, which certainly cannot be said of 13-time Premier League winner Giggs. And he is confident that he can make a good start to his career as a manager by wearing a cut-out of the face of the man who ruled Old Trafford with an iron fist for 26 years, and putting on a Glaswegian accent while yelling incoherently at underperforming players.

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Posted: Apr 23rd, 2014
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Grim Reaper traumatised by encounter with David Moyes

‘It was meant to be a supportive gesture,’ said the Reaper. ‘I held the blade close to his face simply to remind him what silverware looked like. But it backfired spectacularly when I smelled the stench of decay.’

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Posted: Apr 21st, 2014
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Tories caught offside by Labour pledge to win 2010 World Cup

David Cameron was caught off guard at the political leaders’ debate last night as the Labour Party pledged that England would win the 2010 World Cup in South Africa.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2014
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Achilles forced to pull out of Trojan War

No point anyway; Helen's already shagging John Terry‘I am absolutely gutted,’ said the Greek hero of myth and legend, ‘I was really looking forward to representing my country and now this.’

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Posted: Mar 14th, 2014
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Boy George denied England captaincy because he was ‘no good at football’

In the next chapter of ‘I’m a fading celebrity with a book launch coming up’, Boy George has declared that he would have been ‘a shoo-in’ to captain the England football team into ‘at least two world cups’, but for the discrimination directed towards him by the FA because he was ‘completely useless at football’, having shown utter ineptitude for the sport at school and giving up playing soon afterwards to pursue a career in music.

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Posted: Mar 4th, 2014
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