As the 2019/20 Premier League season kicks off this weekend, the Labour leader disseminates advice on ‘the beautiful game’ for the militant lefty. Do: Write to a senior civil servant demanding they block the Premier League until the embargo against the free movement of players between clubs is resolved. [read...]
In a bold move that has exasperated experts and confounded campaigners, Maxine Grant, 47, of Chigwell, has today announced her decision to self-identify as Mesut Özil. Accounts manager Maxine accepted that she was bucking the general trend in self-identification in sport, [read...]
The team known recently as Frank Lampard’s Derby County will change the name of the club to Derby County, wiping out a years worth of history in the process, it has been revealed. The move is expected to bring about a backlash from fans, [read...]
Female footballers are to be schooled in spouting meaningless rubbish to the media in a new initiative to bridge the capability gap between them and their male counterparts. It follows a shameful incident in the FIFA Women’s World Cup in which a player failed to answer a banal question regarding her feelings about scoring a goal with: ‘I’m over the moon but at the end of the day it’s all about the three points.’ [read...]
A Division 2 footballer was celebrating last night, after receiving the annual spitter of the year prize at the Golden Greenie awards, held in Gobowen. Peter Jones, full back with Port Vale, was commended by a panel of journalists and fellow players for ‘a season of unparalleled nose ejections, [read...]
