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Posts Tagged ‘football’

Jamie Oliver creates World Cup recipes for disaster

it'll all be over in 15 minutesJamie Oliver has created an exciting new range of firm World cup snacks that can be enjoyed conveniently while staring open-mouthed at unfolding sporting disaster or genocidal pandemonium in Brazil.

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Posted: Jun 6th, 2014
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NATO to bomb FIFA

Colonel BlatterThe UN Security Council has agreed to use ‘all necessary means’ to end tyranny at the heart of football.

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Posted: May 30th, 2014
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Di Matteo’s ‘bunch of pansies’ takes top honour at Chelsea flower show

40 years of buying up tulip bulbs finally paying offHot on the heels of their Champions League success, the lads from Chelsea FC have once again opened their gardens to members of the public for their annual display of horticultural excellence.

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Posted: May 24th, 2014
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Richard Scudamore challenges all women to an arm-wrestle

'Lasses, eh!?'With what is being seen as a vain attempt to garner support for his derogatory references to ‘female irrationality’, the Premier League’s chief executive has promised to prove his gender’s superiority through a series of ‘herculean tasks’. The beleaguered football boss is said to have thrown down the gauntlet to all women to try and beat him at ‘spitting’, ‘trapping spiders’ and ‘weeing standing up.’

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Posted: May 19th, 2014
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Football chairmen invest in world’s most expensive merry-go-round

roll-up, roll-up for the ride of your life!The biggest, fastest and most costly carousel in the world has been ordered by a group of ambitious football club owners in time for next season. Set in an unfairground just outside the Promised Land, the new ride will entertain some of the richest football managers from around the world between terminated but lucrative contracts. The owners have high hopes that their merry-go-round will become, and remain for several years to come, a premier attraction.

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Posted: May 14th, 2014
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