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Posts Tagged ‘Foreign Office’

Savile ‘may have been adviser to Cameron’

Details were emerging last night that Jimmy Savile may have been even more revoltingly criminal than anyone had previously imagined. The latest allegation is that he may have ‘advised’ David Cameron. A police spokesman said: ‘This simply beggars belief and will be hard to bear for the victims, of which there will be a staggering number.’

Cabinet Office officials have admitted that Savile may have been granted unfettered access to dead or dying government policies. He was known to have an abnormal interest in ‘going over figures’, and liked to visit the Treasury where many differently-abled individuals were being cared for.

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Posted: Jun 29th, 2014
More from Politics



Jihadists ‘not as focused on the World Cup as they should be’

all to play for in the following roundsSet against the backdrop of Kenyan massacres and Iraqi insurgency, FIFA is concerned that Islamist militants may not be giving Brazil 2014 their full attention. Despite wall-to-wall TV coverage, there is a growing suspicion that some of the world’s population are choosing not to embrace footballing worship and are instead favouring revolution, seventy two virgins and a ‘nice game of croquet’.

Although the World Cup cost well in excess of $14 billion, Sunni militants seem more obsessed with Baghdad than the melodious prose of Phil Neville. New technologies such as vanishing foam, goal-line sensors and improved corruption have failed to distract Jihadists from their ultimate goal of ‘keeping Wayne Rooney off the front page’. Even a prize money totalling $576m and the lure of the percussive caxirola, does not seem to have dented the extremists’ love of all shoot outs, except penalties.

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Posted: Jun 17th, 2014
More from Sport, World News



‘Fruity wizards’ told to avoid Russia

The UK Foreign Office has advised all members of the Fellowship of the Ring not to travel to Russia, where new laws based on the belief that sexual orientation is determined by early exposure to fantasy novels, it is feared, may soon extend to ‘fruity wizards’, ‘effete elves’ and ‘dwarves in sailor suits’.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2013
More from News In Brief