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Posts Tagged ‘fracking’

‘Dirty’ Fuel needs to be replaced with something ‘less smutty’ – insists UN

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) has published a damning report on how ‘excessively crude’ oils are corrupting the young with their reliance on ‘salacious carbon-intensive’ fuels and lewd references to ‘fracking’. UN scientists now support a swift transition to ‘less risqué’ forms of energy, such as ‘natural gas’ – which although fostering scatological humour does at least lower emissions ‘without lowering the tone.’

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2014
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Cameron hails discovery of ‘coal’

David Cameron has announced earlier today the discovery of ‘coal’ by a team of geologists in South Yorkshire. Coal is a scarce carbon-based resource used to produce energy, which has fuelled the economies of many nations and has the potential to do the same here, the PM asserted.

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Posted: Jan 14th, 2014
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Cuadrilla plans to frack Eric Pickles

workers will only stop for pie breaksWith the cost of policing protests at its test drilling site in Sussex spiralling out of control, energy firm Cuadrilla has decided to try Plan B. Starting next week, it will begin fracking for oil and gas in an equally large and equally immobile site, the Communities and Local Government Secretary Eric Pickles. There are some major logistical challenges to overcome, the firm admitted.

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Posted: Aug 23rd, 2013
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Police on hunt for MP seen sticking to principles

‘Ms Lucas has been reported flashing her values for all to see,’ said a spokesman for Sussex constabulary. ‘This is a clear attempt to expose the young and impressionable to the concept of duty, solidarity and lentil soup. Clearly she must be stopped.’

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Posted: Aug 21st, 2013
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Daily Mail admits secretly fracking for vitriol after reserves run dry

balanced by other search for world's most adorable kitten, in a bikiniDespite raising fears about the impact of fracking, the Daily Mail has conceded that it embarked on its own secret fracking campaign after its reserves of vitriol began to run low.

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Posted: Jun 22nd, 2013
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