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Posts Tagged ‘France’

French immigrants ‘fraudulently using alias Charlie’

‘Thank the Lord our security services are monitoring Twitter and found so many of these bastards claiming ‘Je Suis Charlie’ when actually they were called Mo, Ahmed, Mohammed, and even Dave,” said Jacques Le Pen of Liberte, Egalite, Frenchy Only.

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Posted: Jan 13th, 2015
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Tighter borders mean Thunderbirds ‘aren’t go’

‘Years ago we’d just fly into the danger zone, rescue a few people, put out the fire, then fly back to Tracy Island,’ said Jeff Tracy. ‘Now, we have to fill in reams of paperwork before unloading the pod of Thunderbird 2. And I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been asked if there is a lifeboat on Thunderbird 4.’

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Posted: Aug 13th, 2014
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Veteran re-enacts D-Day encounter with prostitute

To the cheers of appreciative locals, the octogenarian paratrooper ceremoniously approached a Bayeux massage parlour, Madame de Pompadour’s, saluting the crowd before having his oats with one of the establishment’s current crop of ladies.

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Posted: Jun 7th, 2014
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France bans work emails after 6pm and lolcats in the office before 10am

les lolzIn what is being seen as a ‘tit for cat’ retaliatory measure, Gallic big business plans to restrict private internet use in the office in response to workers being protected from intrusive emails at home. French Unions applauded the restrictions on out-of-hours work but demanded to know how honest labourers could expect to find ‘lonely singles’, monitor their Ebay auctions or complete Candy Crush Saga?

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Posted: Apr 11th, 2014
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France surrenders ‘just in case’

Despite not being under any kind of threat, the French Government surrendered today.

‘It was all this talk of 1914, I suppose’, said one minister.

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Posted: Mar 1st, 2014
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