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Posts Tagged ‘G4S’

Government agrees to ‘gentlemen’s agreement’ with G4S over being ripped off

Whitehall has agreed to allow G4S to bid for lucrative contracts again, on the condition that they ‘don’t make it too obvious’ when they’re defrauding the public purse of hundreds of millions of pounds.

At a press conference earlier today, a Treasury spokesman confirmed that a ‘gentlemen’s bargain’ had been struck, saying that ‘Ultimately, we know the private sector will always provide better value for money than our own bloated and befuddled ways. If we have to turn a blind eye to a few pens missing from the office, or bars of gold from the Bank of England, then that’s just the price we pay for the extraordinary expertise they bring in providing trained security guards for international events and tagging prisoners who are definitely alive and still under surveillance, rather than not really there at all, really.’

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Posted: Apr 13th, 2014
More from Business

G4S to escort G4S to court

The government has confirmed that following investigations into fraud at G4S, and with charges pending, G4S has been hired to escort G4S to court.

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Posted: Jul 15th, 2013
More from News In Brief

Olympic terror threat level reduced after al-Qaeda outsource terrorism to G4S

There were large sighs of relief today following news that security firm G4S have been put in charge of organising all of al-Qaeda’s terrorist activities for the 2012 Olympics.

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2012
More from Sport

Contract to backfill police drafted to cover Olympic security is won by G4S

Security firm G4S were today announced as the surprise winners of the contract to backfill police shortages caused by thousands of police officers having to cover the shortage in Olympic security positions.

The Government minister with responsibilities for the Olympics, Jeremy Hunt, explained the awarding of the contract showed that ‘this Governemnt is committed to an ongoing listening excersie around costs, security, and the ineptitude of many private companies, but that most importantly, and I cannot stress this enough, we have learned little to nothing from the last few months and are looking forward to making the same mistakes over and over again until something goes right’.

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Posted: Jul 19th, 2012
More from News In Brief

Latest security breach sees theft of entire Olympic Village

only a minor glitch, games will go ahead as plannedPolice are asking anyone who saw “a very large building, or group of buildings” being moved around East London last night to contact them immediately.

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2012
More from Sport, UK News