There were large sighs of relief today following news that security firm G4S have been put in charge of organising all of al-Qaeda’s terrorist activities for the 2012 Olympics.
Posted: Jul 26th, 2012
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Security firm G4S were today announced as the surprise winners of the contract to backfill police shortages caused by thousands of police officers having to cover the shortage in Olympic security positions.
The Government minister with responsibilities for the Olympics, Jeremy Hunt, explained the awarding of the contract showed that ‘this Governemnt is committed to an ongoing listening excersie around costs, security, and the ineptitude of many private companies, but that most importantly, and I cannot stress this enough, we have learned little to nothing from the last few months and are looking forward to making the same mistakes over and over again until something goes right’.
Posted: Jul 19th, 2012
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Despite being guarded by a substantial number of highly trained A-level students wearing fluorescent bibs, thieves made off with the 80,000 tonne steel and concrete centre-piece of London’s hopes and dreams sometime between the hours of midnight and 6am.
Posted: Jul 17th, 2012
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Soldiers serving in the militarised East London Province will be awarded medals on completion of their Olympics tour of duty, the Defence Secretary announced today.
Posted: Jul 16th, 2012
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‘It’s hard to get your head round these new rules allowing punters to wear trainers,’ said Darren Bull, a freelance bouncer.
Posted: Jul 13th, 2012
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