British intelligence agencies are bracing themselves tonight after revelations that terrorist groups are planning to combat the new Investigatory Powers Bill with bulk trite social media posts. An insider warned that ‘Cat videos and macaroni cheese recipes will be used indiscriminately to demoralise and dishearten the infidel analysts.’ [read...]
Details were emerging last night that Jimmy Savile may have been even more revoltingly criminal than anyone had previously imagined. The latest allegation is that he may have ‘advised’ David Cameron. A police spokesman said: ‘This simply beggars belief and will be hard to bear for the victims, [read...]
Britain’s GCHQ has denied tapping Trump Towers :’There was no targeted surveillance. We can, however, confirm that a bored analyst was ‘channel hopping’ and had stopped to observe Saturday Night Live for a little light relief. [read...]
A spokesman for GCHQ confirmed today that ‘currently we don’t have the technology to intercept slate messages.’ The statement was in response from a report from the terror watchdog that ‘a new slate is needed’ [read...]
‘Limericks won’t cut it’, said one IT insider. ‘They’re too predictable. Iambic pentameter will shortly be the minimum standard acceptable and even then users will need to show a wide range of metaphor and simile if they’re to defeat GCHQ’s computers. [read...]
