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Posts Tagged ‘GCSEs’

GCSEs to be replaced by Hunger Games

streaming at its bestAmidst concerns over failing educational standards, it was announced today that the GCSE is to be replaced by a Hunger Games-style contest, in which 16-year-olds will exchange statutory secondary school qualifications for a gladiatorial fight to the death. It is hoped that the new measures will not only improve unemployment statistics in the 16+ demographic, but also combat teenage obesity, pregnancy and undue dependence on Candy Crush Saga.

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Posted: Aug 24th, 2013
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GCSEs to be replaced with GOVEs

‘It is entirely coincidental that the proposed test rhymes with ‘cove’,’ declared the Secretary of State.

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Posted: Sep 18th, 2012
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Gove to reintroduce school bullies

already getting complaints from Leveson minorEducation secretary Michael Gove has defended his decision to reintroduce formal bullying into secondary schools, and rejected accusations it would mean ‘two tiers before bedtime.’

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Posted: Jun 21st, 2012
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Gang initiation tests ‘getting easier’ claim critics

‘All candidates need to do is glare menacingly at a pensioner whilst wearing a hoodie.’

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Posted: Aug 21st, 2010
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Girls expected to outperform boys in opening GCSE and A-level results

‘Girls far outperform boys in hysterics, histrionics and dramatic effects when they open their exam results,’ said Professor Sheila Sweeney.

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Posted: Aug 9th, 2010
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