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Posts Tagged ‘general election’

Scotland invited to make its bloody mind up

there'll be a gloaming in their roamingsEngland, Wales and Northern Ireland, the other three constituent parts of the Divided Kingdom, have come together to ask Scotland if it wouldn’t mind pouring itself a nice glass of Irn-Bru and sorting its head out once and for all. This follows a referendum last year in which Scotland voted strongly against independence and a general election earlier this month in which it voted overwhelmingly for a party whose sole purpose is to secure independence.

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Posted: May 19th, 2015
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Twitter gaffe about miners sends Miliband into lead

lead could be reversed if Ed eats another bacon sandwichAn unlikely Twitter phenomenon and an illiterate Conservative candidate have combined to propel Labour fifteen points clear in the latest YouGov poll.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2015
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‘Mr Straight Banana’ to revive UKIP campaign

In an attempt to rejuvenate their stumbling general election campaign, UKIP have unleashed their secret weapon. ‘Mr Straight Banana’, who is eight foot tall and bright yellow, will accompany UKIP candidates to key marginals in the South-East.

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Posted: Apr 25th, 2015
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Cameron’s ‘open neck’ approach seals the deal with swinging voters

gets Poldark's voteDashing David Cameron has gaily abandoned his jacket, tossed off his tie, rolled up his sleeves and exposed his fleshy forearms to openly signal that he is right up for ‘doing the business’ with millions of Britain’s uncommitted swinger voters who have gone with multiple parties in the past.

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2015
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Cameron to celebrate victory with Bullingdon-style trashing of UK

it's only moneyOne ‘almighty bash’ planned to last until 2015.

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Posted: Apr 15th, 2015
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