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Posts Tagged ‘general election’

‘The only way is Essex’ confirms Farage

This could be their finest hour‘The people have spoken, and we have heard their voices loud and clear,’ said Nigel Farage on the phone after the stunning UKIP victory by Douglas Carswell in the by-election in Clacton on Sea, Essex, before saying; ‘Yeah, see you later, babe’, hanging up his mobile, downing a couple more pints for courage and planning his next trip to try it on with another easily obtainable bimbo, anywhere else.

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Posted: Oct 11th, 2014
More from Arts/Entertainment, Politics



Countdown to general election: the nation rejoices

The by-elections in Clacton and Heywood have led to bunting being put up and spontaneous dancing in the streets across the land as it finally dawned on the electorate that a general election is only months away.

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Posted: Oct 10th, 2014
More from News In Brief



Nick Clegg to use everyone’s paternity leave next year

another great idea!Anticipating he will have a lot of ‘free time on his hands’ after the next election, the Deputy Prime Minister has volunteered to provide round-the-clock support to all new parents. The Liberal Democrat’s’ manifesto will pledge that Mr. Clegg will stay with couples for up to six weeks after the birth of their child; providing nappy changing, reassuring hugs and amusing anecdotes about proportionate representation if ‘…baby refuses to go to sleep’.

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Posted: Aug 31st, 2014
More from Politics



Prime Minister Miliband would ‘un-invade Iraq’

‘We’ll send troops into Iraq with what I call weapons of mass construction – bricks, nails and gaffer tape – to undo the invasion with a Saddam lookalike to run the country. It will be as good as new at best, or as good as Slough at worse.’

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Posted: Feb 19th, 2013
More from News In Brief



X-Factor finalists target swing voters with populist policies

‘It could all come down to who does the best job of sounding sincere while announcing tax cuts they are in no position to deliver. Will Amelia Lily’s reduction in fuel duty prove more popular than Little Mix’s improved public sector pensions? Only time will tell.’

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Posted: Dec 9th, 2011
More from Arts/Entertainment