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Posts Tagged ‘general election’

Party leaders replaced by their slogans on campaign trial

electorate relieved that humanity will play no further partIn a shock move, the leaders of the UK’s major political parties have withdrawn from the final month of political campaigning around the country, ahead of the General Election. Their place will be taken the vacuous party slogans penned especially for their campaigns.

The move comes after the Conservatives took their 2015 slogan ‘Tory competence versus Labour chaos’ on a short but successful promotional tour of Cornwall last week. Opinion polls showed the slogan outranking the PM on such criteria as trustworthiness and ability to govern. The final decision to replace the flesh and blood leader was made after papers favoured pictures of the slogan bottle-feeding a baby hedgehog over identical photos featuring Cameron.

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Posted: Apr 10th, 2015
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Porn star UKIP candidate to appear in X-rated party political

‘John tells her that he’s come to inspect her pipes,’ explained director George Winters. She says “I was expecting a Polish plumber” at which point John delivers a three-minute monologue about the damage being done by the influx of cheap eastern European labour before pointing out that he has the biggest toolbox in the EU.’.

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Posted: Apr 10th, 2015
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UKIP to unveil biggest fruitcake yet

‘I can tell you this guy – oh yes, or woman – will really give the mainstream parties with their straight-laced candidates something to think about,’ Farage said. ‘This is the fruitcake to beat all fruitcakes, present company excepted.’

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Posted: Apr 8th, 2015
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Tories make Death their candidate in Chingford

go on, for the good of the countryWith the result of the general election appearing increasingly unpredictable, the Conservatives are leaving nothing to chance in at least one constituency by making Death their new candidate for Chingford and Woodford Green.

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2015
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Second leaders’ debate to include interpretative dance

‘Frankly I don’t think I put my case across as well as I could have,’ said David Cameron, announcing that interpretive dance would be part of the second party leaders’ election date. ‘Samantha suggested this because she thinks I’m a real smooth mover.’

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Posted: Apr 6th, 2015
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