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Posts Tagged ‘George Osborne’

‘Money spent on Rosetta could have bailed one of us out’, moan banks

10 years to blow £1.1 billion? Hopeless!Despite costing a meagre £1.1bn and possibly changing the course of human civilisation as we know it, the banking community has been quick to dismiss the Rosetta Space Mission as a ‘frivolous boondoggle’. Another so-called giant leap for mankind, they argue, could easily have been reinvested in subprime mortgages, money laundering or paying for ‘the world’s greatest lap-dance’.

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Posted: Nov 14th, 2014
More from Business

David Cameron ‘may not have been beaten up enough at school’, warn experts

'Eat fist, oik!'‘Cameron’s blend of smug self-assurance and empty rhetoric can only be a result of his being under-bullied as a child.’

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Posted: Oct 23rd, 2014
More from From The Archives

Pavements to be made from mulch

‘Dog ends, ciggy packets, vomit and, of course, copious dog shit, that’s what the public thinks is suitable for leaving on the pavement,’ said the newly appointed Pavements Minister, Sebastian Fanshaw MP. ‘And no pavement has seen a sweeper in years, so no wonder we’re constantly slipping on part-composted crap.’

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Posted: Sep 23rd, 2014
More from News In Brief

Osborne ‘is Gimp Man’, say Essex rumours

‘It must be him,’ said 20-year-old mother of five, Chantelle Smith. ‘It stands to reason, don’t it? We all know what these Eton boys get up to in their spare time and I ain’t seen him on the telly recently, even with all that Scotch thing going on.’

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Posted: Sep 22nd, 2014
More from News In Brief

Government raises UK bullshit threat level to ‘severe’

The UK’s bullshit threat level has been raised from ‘substantial’ to ‘severe’ meaning that the possibility of impending bullshit is highly likely.

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Posted: Sep 3rd, 2014
More from News In Brief