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Posts Tagged ‘germany’

German war veterans wake up early to lay wreaths before British

Allied war veterans who got up extra early to lay tributes on the graves of fallen comrades were dismayed to find the Germans had got up even earlier, laid their wreaths on the graves and were already back at the hotel enjoying an early breakfast.

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Posted: Aug 4th, 2014
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‘Thicker hair more important than medals’ insists Joe Hart

Joe Hart has revealed he believes it is more important to have thicker, more manageable hair than it is to have World Cup winners medals.

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Posted: Jul 10th, 2014
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‘We’ll always have the bikini wax’ says a resolute Brazil

Last night the streets of Rio were lined with shell-shocked football fans, discarded yellow shirts and, as the year ended in 14, predictably rampant Germans. As a nation grieved and distanced itself from FIFA merchandising, Brazilian officials were quick to emphasize that it was ‘no big deal’ and that their real passion was actually for ‘the smooth framing of thongs’.

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Posted: Jul 9th, 2014
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France surrenders ‘just in case’

Despite not being under any kind of threat, the French Government surrendered today.

‘It was all this talk of 1914, I suppose’, said one minister.

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Posted: Mar 1st, 2014
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Conservative Party to adopt new ‘jackboot’ logo in place of tree

SchweinhundsThe Conservative Party has decided to rebrand itself as ‘The Workers Party,’ following poor opinion poll ratings among low-waged workers in marginal constituencies.

They have also been urged by constituency MPs to replace the party’s logo – currently a green tree – because it no longer reflects the party’s aspirations and the leader’s determination to ‘get rid of all this green crap.’

A backbencher has suggested adopting a boot as the party’s new symbol, to suggest sympathy with hardworking Brits who, as a consequence of the global economic crisis of 2008, have had to show resilience and fortitude by pulling themselves up by their bootstraps. However, a graphic design consultancy asked to submit some preliminary images said it was difficult to make the bootstraps stand out in silhouette, and suggested the party might prefer to use the more classic outline of a military jackboot instead.

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Posted: Feb 26th, 2014
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