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Posts Tagged ‘Glasgow 2014’

Queen to auction off some Commonwealth countries

The Queen has been having a clear out and will be putting some of the Commonwealth up for auction, Buckingham Palace has confirmed.

‘Her Majesty is the first to admit she’s a bit of a hoarder,’ said a Palace spokesman. ‘It wasn’t until she had to sit through the opening ceremony at the Commonwealth Games the other day that she realised she still had half these countries. They’re scattered all over the place, you know. We dust them off every couple of years for a Games or a summit or whatever but it turns out that afterwards they’re just going back into storage and being forgotten about.’

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Posted: Aug 1st, 2014
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Glasgow to be ‘nuked’ during Commonwealth Closing Ceremony

'That's one in the eye for Cameron!'A global audience, set to be in the millions, will witness a lavish TV spectacle combining mediocre athletics, the smugness of Alex Salmond and a ‘much needed’ nuclear deterrent. Glasgow is already committed to demolishing its iconic Red Road flats for the Opening Ceremony but has now been given the ‘green light’ to unleash atomic devastation on the remains of the city, leaving nothing but a deep-fried mushroom cloud in its place.

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Posted: Apr 4th, 2014
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