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Posts Tagged ‘God’

God asked to move in less predictable ways

'I'm not in'God, the creator of the universe and leader of the Roman Catholic Church, was today asked by worshippers from a variety of faiths to add a dash of mystery to the manner in which he goes about governing the forces of nature, responding to the prayers of his followers and guiding his emissaries on Earth.

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Posted: Jun 28th, 2015
More from Faith



God impregnates fish

moves in mysterious waysA virginal sawfish from Florida has become the most recent example of immaculate conception since the Almighty’s ‘barely legal’ fumblings with a 14 year old from Bethlehem. Why God has taken over two thousand years to manifest his zoophilia is unclear and he has expressed no interest in taking custody of seven small fry.

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Posted: Jun 2nd, 2015
More from World News



Thousands of UK churchgoers at risk of being interested

centuries of boring them to death still not workingThousands of young people who regularly attend church in the UK may be vulnerable to feelings of mild interest, according to a report released today.

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Posted: Feb 14th, 2015
More from Faith



God, Allah and Jehovah struggle to agree on live TV debate format

...and what about the Zoroastrians?Despite increasing strife between their respective followers and the impending Judgement Day in which the sheep may or may not be separate from the goats and the unbelievers may or may not be cast into the eternal pit of fire, it has emerged that God, Allah and Jehovah are still unable to agree on the format of their long-awaited live TV debate.

The main bone of contention is said to be whether or not other gods should be included, while there have also been calls for a separate debate to the north, where Odin is seen as a serious contender. Jehovah, a jealous god, has refused point blank to appear on the same platform as Ba’al or Marduk, while Allah insists that no other gods can take part in the debate because they don’t exist anyway.

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2015
More from Politics



God nominates Jesus for Ice Bucket Challenge

Nearly 2000 years after his last appearance on earth, Jesus has been tasked by his Father, the Holy Sprit, to perform the Ice Bucket Challenge. Jesus has been waiting for his second resurrection to earth and it is believed that he has been asked by God to make an appearance and show the world that he is still a good egg, plus raise a few bob for charity.

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Posted: Aug 26th, 2014
More from News In Brief