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Posts Tagged ‘God’

God to be awarded Oscar for special effects in Old Testament

In a move described by entertainment insiders as being ‘long overdue’, the Creator of the Universe has been tipped to receive a lifetime achievement award for His magnificently realistic tricks which have been scaring the daylights out of Christians for the last 2000 years.

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Posted: Oct 16th, 2013
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Jehovah’s witnesses attempt to proselytise god

God almighty, the famously self-employed inventor and property mogul, has revealed that a series of Jehovah’s witnesses arriving at his office for their ultimate holy judgement have attempted to convince him to join their religion.

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Posted: Oct 15th, 2013
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‘Thou Shalt Clear Browsing History’ made new, 11th Commandment

‘I believe this will be a cost-effective measure, Commandment-wise’, explained the creator of the Universe at a hastily convened press conference “Why, just the other day, I watched a man in Norwich being caught visiting Trannyheaven.com…’

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Posted: Oct 9th, 2013
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Archbishop ‘embarrassed’ to find Satan is former employee of God

‘Payroll records show that a Mr Lucifer Satan was formerly employed as an angel for Heaven Plc,’ admitted a spokesman for the Archbishop of Canterbury.

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Posted: Jul 29th, 2013
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‘Refuse to pay our loans back and I’ll give you arse cancer’, warns God

Following the Archbishop’s plans to ‘take down’ payday lender Wonga by offering people an alternative, the Church of England have released the first promotional video for its new ‘revolutionary credit facility’ today, featuring the Almighty God himself, who claims their punishments for late payments will be ‘much more severe’ than Wonga’s, ensuring nobody will ‘even dare get into debt’.

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Posted: Jul 26th, 2013
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