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Posts Tagged ‘God’

European flooding latest: God tells Nigel Farage to build ark

2 by 2 policy 'under review'UKIP leader Nigel Farage today revealed that he has been instructed by God to build an ark in order to protect sane, anti-European thinkers like himself from the rising flood waters which God has sent to central Europe as a punishment for the incompetence and bureaucracy of the European Union…

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Posted: Jun 3rd, 2013
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European Court rules God cannot cast Lucifer out of Heaven

The omnipresent supreme being, God, has expressed his disappointment after the European Court refused to overturn a ruling preventing him from casting out the senior radical anticleric Lucifer, commonly known as Satan, from Heaven.

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Posted: Apr 26th, 2013
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Constant praising of The Lord has spoilt him, warns deity shrink

The constant praising of Our Lord has left him completely unprepared for modern life, warns a top reality theologian, who says the occasional kick up the arse might do him some good.

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Posted: Apr 22nd, 2013
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God arrested as accessory to child abuse by priests

Police today arrested God for failing to inform the authorities about crimes committed by several priests after He heard confessions from the perpetrators as they sought forgiveness in their prayers.

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Posted: Mar 12th, 2013
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Penis wins top design award

The penis has won the highest accolade at the annual British Design Awards. Simon Cardwell, president of the Design Council, said ‘It’s time to recognise the penis as a design classic that’s never gone out of style’.

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Posted: Dec 15th, 2012
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