God finally agrees to save Queen
After years of indecision and holy fights with his conscience, God has finally decided to save the Queen.
Posted: Nov 18th, 2012
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Posts Tagged ‘God’
Republicans ask why rape pregnancy is God’s will but winning election isn’t
Less than a day after Mitt Romney was defeated by Barack Obama, Republicans have already started the campaign post-mortem. After agreeing that the candidate, policies, and campaign strategy were faultless, the blame was laid entirely at God’s door.
Romney strategist Karl Rove pulled no punches: ‘When God is required to do nothing, like standing by and watching a rape victim get impregnated, he excels. But when God is required to do something, like ensure Mitt Romney wins the election, he is asleep at the wheel.’
Posted: Nov 8th, 2012
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God claims creation of Earth still on budget, despite over-running six day estimate
The Almighty has hit back at critics who claim that the creation of Earth was supposed to be completed in a day – and ended up costing far more than the original estimate. ‘That the original price was just for the Light and rocky bits. All the other stuff was extra.’
Posted: Jul 18th, 2012
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Dating agency discovers God on its books
‘His profile read ‘Creator, tired of singularity, seeks Big Bang’, so I thought I’d give him a whirl,’ said divorcee JuicyLucy324 (nonsmkr, 38DD, no Greek, GSoH).
Posted: May 28th, 2012
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God forced to admit that network omnipotency actually only 99.3%
God today put out an unexpected press release confirming that rather than being completely omnipotent, holy coverage is actually around 99.3%. This has been attributed to blackspots in some of England’s darker backwaters, including the Mersey Tunnel, London’s Underground and Swindon.
Posted: May 10th, 2012
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