NewsBiscuit

Britain’s torch bearing mob community is up in arms after word went around that the UK’s prime minister was given a new identity after the Gulf War, and may be given a new one again in May.

‘Who is the prime minister anyway?’ said the leader of the mob. ‘I don’t give a monkey’s. All politicians are the same anyway. But I tell you this – if the bastard came into our pub, he’d get his head kicked in.’

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Posted: Mar 14th, 2010
More from Politics

A junior administrative aide to Gordon Brown who was found dead in a pool of blood with electric shock burns to his genitals was merely a case of ‘Assisted Suicide’ under the Government’s new definition of the law it was ruled today.

Cedric Simpson had only been working for Mr. Brown for a matter of weeks when his body was discovered in the Prime Minister’s Office last month after what was described as a ‘vigorous’ meeting between Prime Minister and Alistair Darling.

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Posted: Mar 1st, 2010
More from Politics

Gordon Brown has reacted angrily to claims that he had ‘used missiles and bombs’ in a campaign described as widespread bullying.

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2010
More from News In Brief

In a rather disappointing interview with Gordon Brown today, the Prime Minister claimed to the surprise and possibly even dismay of many MPs that he had in fact never kicked a nun in the shins, despite claims to the contrary in a new book called ‘Politicians, and Members of the Catholic Clergy Whose Shins Have Been Injured By Them.’

‘I have never, ever kicked a nun, especially not in the shins’ he said. ‘When I get angry, I lose my temper with myself, kick my own shins, and throw newspapers in a fury of anti-press vitriol.’ When asked if he had ever thrown a newspaper at a nun or her shins, he replied hesitantly that he had acted ‘In the heat of the moment’ but that he ‘didn’t hit her’.

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Posted: Feb 23rd, 2010
More from Politics

In his most revealing interview to date, Mr Morgan sobbed as he came to terms with the loss of his moral compass.

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Posted: Feb 13th, 2010
More from News In Brief