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Posts Tagged ‘Gordon Brown’

‘I have never kicked a nun in the shins’ says Gordon Brown

questioner didn't ask if he'd kicked them anywhere elseThe Prime Minister claimed today that he had in fact never kicked a nun in the shins, despite claims to the contrary.

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Posted: Feb 3rd, 2015
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David Miliband to seek re-election as his comedy alter-ego Ed

'a joke can go on for too long'Popular stand-up David Miliband has confirmed that he will once again be seeking re-election in the guise of his bumbling comic creation ‘Ed Miliband’.

‘I see that Al Murray made the headlines yesterday when he announced that his ‘Pub Landlord’ character will be standing against Nigel Farage, but I’ve been doing it for years’ chuckled Miliband. ‘I came up with the idea for a comedy younger brother years ago. He was a kind of imaginary friend when I was growing up, and when I went into politics it just seemed like a funny thing to try, and for some reason it caught on and I’ve been doing him ever since.’

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Posted: Jan 16th, 2015
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Tony Blair ready to challenge Labour leadership ‘within 45 minutes’

In a frank interview the former Labour Party leader denied he had been critical of Ed Miliband and his leadership of the party. ‘Sure I might have said he is a useless fuckwit, but everyone says that,’ he said, adding, ‘and I might have suggested that it should be possible for any half-brained, bleeding heart, know nothing politician to look better than that useless twat Cameron, but obviously I was referring to Nick Clegg, who I don’t think should lead the Labour Party. Or any party, come to think of it.’

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Posted: Jan 1st, 2015
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Labour Party to use ‘guest leaders’

Labour Party to follow the example of ‘Have I Got News For You’.

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Posted: Sep 24th, 2014
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Relieved Scottish voters finally able to get referendum campaigners to shut up

Och aye the no!After months of harassment, voters in Scotland are finally going to the polls in a last-ditch attempt to get the Yes and No campaigns to shut up and bugger off.

As the polls open after an increasingly ill-tempered campaign, the sense of relief among ordinary Scots is palpable. ‘I’m just glad it’s all over and I can get mah country back,’ said a tearful voter in Anstruther.’When I was growing up nobody gave a dram o’Dundee piss about politics. Now it’s all Yes this, No Thanks that, whose oil is it the other. That’s why I’m voting ‘feck off, ye boring gobshites’.’

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Posted: Sep 17th, 2014
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