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Government slammed for ‘snowman skills shortage’
‘national snowman standards had plummetted since the last cold winter’ [read...]
Tagged government
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I’ll wait for the vaccine made from Matt Hancock’s tears’, say Brexiteers
Downing Street had attempted to get doses of the Oxford vaccine labelled with the Union Jack and packaged within a stick of Blackpool rock. [read...]
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Government to outline ‘zero f$cks’ policy
True to form, the British Government has announced a roll out of apathy and incompetence throughout the land. By the end of March they expect to have achieved 100% inoculation against actually caring, about what the hell is going on. [read...]
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Kids food packs include £5 of ingredients and a £25 haute cuisine recipe book
The Government have rushed to clear up ‘confusion’ regarding the contents of the £30 food packs for starving children that are being provided by Chartwells, who won through a competitive tendering process came up first alphabetically in their black book of favours. [read...]
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Takeaway lattes count as ‘substantial meal’, confirm panicked ministers
In their desperation to crack down on law-abiding people trying to stay within current vague and shifting guidelines, burbling government ministers with the same grasp on logic as a toothless snake on a lubed firecracker have confirmed that takeaway hot drinks count as a substantial meal, [read...]