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The government put on a special homoerotic display of force in the capital this week, as boats loaded with heavily armed burly looking men roamed the waters of London. Sailing down the Thames with expensive looking weaponry, groups of professional psychopaths wanted to make an effort to reassure Daily Mail readers, as well as scare ‘anyone who looks foreign’, as a neurotic capital prepares to go fully hysterical about the prospect of terrorism during the Olympics.

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Posted: Jan 20th, 2012
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Much-loved actress and comedian Julie Walters, for eight years the voice of Lloyds TSB, is to become, literally, a national treasure. Almost. The ailing bank has been forced to sell an 85% in the Smethwick-born artiste to HM Government, making her the first actress to undergo near-total nationalisation. She is currently valued at £9.73 million.

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2011
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On the day the coalition have decided to look at shortening the adoption process, they have also announced they are putting Nick Clegg on the adoption list. The move comes as Conservative and Liberal Democrats argue over who shall have custody of Mr Clegg over the festive period.

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Posted: Dec 23rd, 2011
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British PM David Cameron today marked the 100th anniversary of the defeat of Captain Robert Scott in his quest to reach the South Pole, after being beaten by the Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen.

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Posted: Dec 15th, 2011
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Science fiction fans have voiced their delight after two old episodes of John Major’s premiership were rediscovered in a negotiating room.

The two rediscovered episodes are from a 1991 story entitled ‘The Continental Menace’ and show Mr Major in the role of Prime Minister thwarting the evil European Commission on the planet Maastricht. The adventure was found unexpectedly during a clearout by a Mr Cameron of London, who did not initially realise the significance of what he had found.

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Posted: Dec 14th, 2011
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