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Posts Tagged ‘government’

Government urged to pass law stopping Poles from going home

Polish people will be returned to their jobs as plumbers, builders and waitresses.

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Posted: Nov 21st, 2014
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Forty lashes for parents calling their son Tarquin

Parents giving their children names like Tarquin, Cosmo and Trojan are to be given forty lashes or face a jail sentence under strict new British laws introduced in response to the crisis in the Sudan.

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Posted: Nov 20th, 2014
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Law of Averages to be repealed

'That's just mean,' say commentatorsThe government has denied that it has run out of sensible policy ideas after announcing that it is to use parliamentary time before the next election to repeal the Law of Averages.

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Posted: Nov 8th, 2014
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Home Office asks for advice on how to fix an inquiry

something slightly skewy found on Marsham StreetWith regret Home Secretary Theresa May has conceded that she has run out of ‘dodgy’ candidates to appoint to chair the Inquiry into Historic Child Abuse. Having lost Baroness Butler-Sloss and now Lord Mayor Fiona Woolf to conflicts of interest, Mrs May has been forced to ask betting syndicates, investment bankers and FIFA on how best ‘to rig’ an inquiry. Fortunately having managed to delay the proceedings for a further three months, it is hoped that those accused will have had ‘…plenty of time to shred any incriminating documents’.

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Posted: Nov 1st, 2014
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Government to cut emergency services ‘to stop people needing help’

‘Pastimes such as candlelit dinners, smoking cigarettes while asleep and drying your shell-suits over the paraffin heater will become life-threatening adrenaline sports’ said a Downing Street spokesman.

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Posted: Oct 30th, 2014
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