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Posts Tagged ‘government’

Government to cut emergency services ‘to stop people needing help’

‘Pastimes such as candlelit dinners, smoking cigarettes while asleep and drying your shell-suits over the paraffin heater will become life-threatening adrenaline sports’ said a Downing Street spokesman.

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Posted: Oct 30th, 2014
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Salad dressing marketeer set to withdraw from Hellmans

A specialist food marketeer has pulled out of Hellmans, ten years to the day after arriving to provide practical and strategic support for the company and its staff.

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Posted: Oct 28th, 2014
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Britain fears it could be next as Lord Sugar tells Italy ‘You’re fired’

under the old rules, Italy would have walked it‘Britain, you downed 12 pints of lager, tried to start a fight with France and vomited on your shoes. You really need to up your game.’

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Posted: Oct 26th, 2014
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Spain snaps-up disused ‘Go Home Vans’ to rid Costa Del Sol of ‘annoying English’

Nobody expected the Spanish exposition ‘They’re just really rubbish tourists; they can’t even tan properly.’

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Posted: Oct 21st, 2014
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Fruit-picker promises jam in 6 years’ time

‘I don’t know why there’s no jam yet’, said a customer of the fruit-picker.

‘He’s been gathering our plums for the last 4 years. We’re renegotiating a fresh 5 year contract, and he says we’ll see some jam in 2020.’

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Posted: Oct 1st, 2014
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