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Posts Tagged ‘government’

Father Christmas bemoans zero hours contract

exclusivity deal means he can't work anywhere elsePopular present delivery service Father Christmas has called on the Government to do more to prevent the use of controversial zero hours contracts. ‘Don’t get me wrong,’ he explained, ‘it’s better than being unemployed, but I just have to wait around all year waiting for the call to say they’ve got some work for me. Did you know, I’ve only done 500 days work in the last 500 years? If it wasn’t for all the mince pies I can grab on Christmas Eve I don’t think I’d survive the year.’

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Posted: Dec 6th, 2014
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MPs accuse Santa of scaremongering over threats to universal present delivery

North Pole or Amazon? Your choice.Santa Claus has been accused of scaremongering after he told a committee of MPs that the universal present service is under threat. Appearing before the Business, Skills and Innovation Committee Claus told MPs that his ability to deliver presents on time to children in the remotest parts of the UK could no longer be guaranteed.

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Posted: Dec 5th, 2014
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London looking forward to ‘Boris-free Sundays’

‘It’s an inspired idea,’ said one resident, talking about the proposal that Boris Johnson would stay off the streets, off the airwaves, out of the way and would only talk complete shite in the privacy of his own home on Sundays.

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Posted: Dec 1st, 2014
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Sports cars to display drivers’ penis size

Jeremy Clarkson downgrading to a 1.3 Renault.

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Posted: Nov 29th, 2014
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House of Lords ‘small benefit’ to the UK, conclude immigrants and refugees

The House of Lords has had ‘little or no positive impact’ on the well-being of the average Briton, an influential committee of migrants and refugees has said today.

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Posted: Nov 28th, 2014
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