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Posts Tagged ‘government’

Cameron: ‘We will still provide paracetamol for cancer patients’

‘Cancer treatment is my number one priority, after Ebola treatment, unless that nurse is getting better, in which case cancer treatment, or at least the cancers that are treatable, you know, the ones that probably go away after a while anyway, are my highest priority…’

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Posted: Jan 15th, 2015
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Anger as BBC invites ‘Earth Wind & Fire’ to take part in election debates

‘We felt that people may be tiring of politics by the time of the debates and our focus groups told us that the perspective of some non-politicos and a stonking rendition of ‘Boogie Wonderland’ would help keep things fresh’.

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Posted: Jan 14th, 2015
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Islamic State tweets ‘haters gonna hate’

Hacking into the US military’s Centcom account, hackers working for IS have sent a clear message to the world that ‘Harry Styles is lush’. Using social media, the terrorist organisation has spelt out their commitment to a Middle Eastern caliphate, a continued reign of violence and ‘the spamming of lol catz’.

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Posted: Jan 14th, 2015
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Food banks ‘too big to fail’ warns think tank

‘These banks are at the heart of the nation’s service industry and have come to represent everything this government stands for,’

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Posted: Jan 14th, 2015
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Health Minister abolishes ‘NICE’; launches ‘NASTY’

Asked what this stood for, the Health Minister looked puzzled and said ‘It doesn’t stand for anything, that’s just its name.’

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Posted: Jan 13th, 2015
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