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Posts Tagged ‘Hallowe’en’

‘Nice criminals’ will be forced to wear Hallowe’en masks

the world's just not terrifying enough yetFollowing the conviction of Rolf Harris for a string of sexual assaults, the Secretary of State for Justice, Chris Grayling, is set to announce sweeping reforms to festive Hallowe’en costumes to aid the public in their identification and eventual demonisation of suspected criminals. The Metropolitan Police admitted, that having exhausted its supply of freaky-looking paedophiles to prosecute, Operation Yewtree will now have to include celebrities people actually like.

Previously the government had implemented a system whereby serial killers agreed to grow beards, molesters were given bad haircuts and tax avoiders were required to dress like George Osborne. Unfortunately, the agreed classification has become undermined by the rise of ‘paedo chic’, which has seen the likes of Russell Brand making ironic use of Ted Bundy’s mojo and Lady Gaga looking like a transgender Jimmy Savile.

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Posted: Jul 1st, 2014
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Charity coalition moves to end autumn charity overload

‘The public is finding it increasingly difficulty to simultaneously deal with Poppy Day, Children in Need, Movember and Halloween,’ said a coalition spokesman.

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Posted: Nov 13th, 2012
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Advert: Scare away trick-or-treaters with a PaedoMask

children being told never to accept 'treats' from strangers
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Posted: Oct 31st, 2012
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Halloween goblins and ghouls to strike over ‘scary trick-or-treating schoolkids’

Goblins, ghouls, fairies and the souls of the departed are threatening to boycott Halloween this year, according a union spokesperson.

‘They’re just shit scared of British schoolchildren’, explained the Grim Reaper, head of the Amalgamated Union of Paranormal Manifestations.

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Posted: Oct 29th, 2012
More from News In Brief



West London terrorised by ‘trick or treat’ interpretive street dance gang

Families across the London borough of Ealing were left paralysed with fear, unable to go outside last night after receiving a visit from a group of synchronised trick-or-treaters who performed complex dance interpretations of ‘Double-dip recession’, ‘Losing your job’, and ‘House reposession’ on their gravel drives if not given appropriate treats.

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Posted: Oct 31st, 2011
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