Families across the London borough of Ealing were left paralysed with fear, unable to go outside last night after receiving a visit from a group of synchronised trick-or-treaters who performed complex dance interpretations of ‘Double-dip recession’, ‘Losing your job’, and ‘House reposession’ on their gravel drives if not given appropriate treats.
Posted: Oct 31st, 2011
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A surge in pumpkin sales, up 4000 per cent on the previous month, could herald the beginning of the end of the recession and the dawn of a new age, according to chancellor George Osborne.
Posted: Nov 1st, 2010
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‘Usually the grown-ups just pretend to be scared,’ said one eight-year-old. ‘But at all the houses with Republican posters in the windows, they’ve been genuinely terrified.’
Posted: Oct 30th, 2010
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While sales of ‘traditional’ scary masks of ghouls and ghosts are on the wane, demand for ‘terrifyingly lifelike’ political character masks was said to be soaring this Halloween.
Posted: Oct 31st, 2009
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Staff at St Mary’s infant school in Stoke Newington were left divided at the school’s Halloween party as to whether the pathetic attempt at Halloween fancy dress from 6-year-old Jamie Whittam was due to his parents obviously not caring enough about him and his status in the school, or whether they are actually just poor.
‘When Jamie arrived at school, I assumed the large cardboard box that had once contained a washing machine was being used to carry an elaborate costume’, explained Winnie Forbes, Jamie’s teacher, ‘but he then pointed to the large spooky face drawn in biro on the machine door and told me the box WAS the costume and he’d come as a haunted washer-dryer’.
Posted: Oct 30th, 2009
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