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Posts Tagged ‘Hamas’

24-hour ceasefire announced in Gaza to celebrate Prince George’s 1st birthday

‘Even though we have lost 600 of our people in 14 days nothing raises the spirits like a royal occasion, if only for a few hours before the slaughter starts again.’

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Posted: Jul 22nd, 2014
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Shortest ever middle-east ceasefire proposed

After countless ceasefires have been broken, UN peacebrokers are proposing a 30 second ceasefire, timed for 4am on a Tuesday, in the hope that this time all participants might be able to actually resist firing for the entire duration of the ceasefire, and it won’t be necessary to sigh and report about another ceasefire ‘broken’.

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Posted: Jul 18th, 2014
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Gaza ceasefire made possible by shared love of Quorn

the basis for a two-course solutionMiddle-east negotiators have told journalists how they hope to broker a ceasefire agreement by reminding both sides that they share a love of Quorn meat-free products.

‘We were desperately trying to come up with some common ground over breakfast yesterday morning,’ explained UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon. ‘Just as I was popping a piece of succulent pork sausage into my mouth I suddenly thought, neither the Israelis nor the Palestinians would be able to do that. Then it hit me – they both probably love Quorn sausages instead! They’ve got no pork in them, they’re perfect for both religions.’

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Posted: Jul 17th, 2014
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London kebab shop destroyed in Israeli raid on Hummus

There were fresh calls for an immediate ceasefire in the war torn Middle East last night after an Israeli F16 jet fighter targeted and destroyed a kebab shop in Upton Park East London leaving the proprietor and 12 customers dead. It is believed the tragic mix up occurred when the pilot was told to “Get me some hummus” by his flight commander

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Posted: Nov 21st, 2012
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Israel: ‘Two State Solution’ is two-bedroom flat in downtown Jerusalem

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has elaborated on his acceptance of a Palestinian State by revealing the details of a proposed offer to the Palestinian people – a two-bedroom Jerusalem flat.

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Posted: Jun 21st, 2009
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