The selection of toys will change regularly but all will be shaped perfectly to fit down the consumer’s throat in order to induce vomiting. ‘This is a brand new concept for McDonalds and we are extremely excited,’ said UK marketing executive Brett Degg, ‘there is a clear need for binge eaters and bulimics to be able to get all their fast feast food in one place. We even supply a receptacle with which to bring the food up again, demonstrating our commitment to customer satisfaction. With all this at a keen price point of £6.99 we feel that the model is right and will be a great success.’

The new meal has drawn criticism from some politicians. Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg said, ‘I think it is a disgrace that in this day and age, we can offer these types of meals for public consumption. We need to think long and hard as to why there is a need for this, and the answer lies squarely with a failing Labour government that led us into a deep recession.’ John Prescott said, ‘I will certainly not be going to McDonalds again, although I must say if this offer had been available when I was comfort eating, it would have saved the taxpayer a fortune in my claims for food costs.’

Other fast food outlets are moving fast to compete with the ‘Unhappy Meal’. KFC are launching the ‘Barfing Bucket’ and the ‘Minger Meal’ while there will be a complete rebranding at ‘Pukin Donuts’. ‘But importantly it will still be possible to have a ‘happy meal’ admitted an anonymous McDonalds insider. ‘Just walk past us and go to your local caff.’

Paul, a manager with two years service and four McDonalds stars behind him, argues that he was right to eject Mr Wilks from the premises. ‘We saw him waddle up in a right state. He had to turn sideways to get through the front doors and he was making our clients feel uncomfortable.’

‘He started off with a McSalad that I was more than happy to serve him. But that was just to get his foot in the door. Then he said he wanted a burger and fries with a large coke. It was disgusting; it was the fourth time he’d been in that evening and we’d heard him being sick in the car park. I told him if he couldn’t eat responsibly then he wasn’t welcome in my restaurant as he was upsetting other customers enjoying their meals.’

Head of communication for McDonalds issued a statement in support of their staff’s decision. ‘We are sorry if Mr Wilks has felt let down by our customer service on this occasion, however, if you wake up in the morning and have to apply anti-chafing cream to your inner thighs just so that you can shuffle up to the fridge in relative comfort, then maybe warning bells should be ringing and you might consider easing off the saturated fats and getting some exercise.’

Mr Wilks has said he has taken his custom elsewhere, and was seen at a local branch of a fried chicken franchise trying to stop the manager taking away his last KFC Bargain Bucket at closing time.