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Posts Tagged ‘Harry Potter’

Hogwarts becomes second free school closed in a week

A school for wizards has become the second free school to be closed down in a week. Hogwarts, a publicly funded but independently run free school, was ordered to close after Ofsted inspectors found live animals running free, students experimenting with dangerous plants, bullying at an unacceptable level, ghosts being used as teaching assistants without any CRB checks and students playing the game Quidditch without the appropriate safety equipment.

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Posted: Feb 10th, 2014
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Disillusioned teen wakes up to the ugly side of vampirism

fangs for nothingThoughts of eternal bliss in the company of vampire heart-throb Robert Pattinson and the ethereal Kristen Stewart swam through her head when 16 year old Trudy Bellamy took her vampire oath at the back of the East Grinstead community centre.

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Posted: Dec 15th, 2013
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‘Fruity wizards’ told to avoid Russia

The UK Foreign Office has advised all members of the Fellowship of the Ring not to travel to Russia, where new laws based on the belief that sexual orientation is determined by early exposure to fantasy novels, it is feared, may soon extend to ‘fruity wizards’, ‘effete elves’ and ‘dwarves in sailor suits’.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2013
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J K Rowling behind acclaimed fictional thriller: ‘Tory Lobbyist’

busy collecting horcruxesJ K Rowling, the creator of Harry Potter, is secretly the author of a thriller based on Conservative party funding, according to a national Sunday newspaper. The story in question, ‘Tory Lobbyist’, is an outrageous fiction where inept millionaires maintain their tax-free wealth by accepting endorsements, cash for questions, private directorships and after-dinner speaking.

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Posted: Jul 15th, 2013
More from Arts/Entertainment, Celebrity



Leveson Inquiry delayed to allow time to appoint Parseltongue translator

‘We can’t go on like this any longer,’ Lord Leveson declared. ‘I only asked her to confirm her name and position, and her eyes immediately rolled back into her head and she started whispering ‘Si a-hashii’eth’ over and over.’

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Posted: May 11th, 2012
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