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Posts Tagged ‘Harry Potter’

Hogwarts becomes second free school closed in a week

Ghosts were being used as teaching assistants without any CRB checks.

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Posted: Feb 24th, 2015
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‘Fruity wizards’ told to avoid Russia

The UK Foreign Office has advised all members of the Fellowship of the Ring not to travel to Russia, where new laws based on the belief that sexual orientation is determined by early exposure to fantasy novels, it is feared, may soon extend to ‘fruity wizards’, ‘effete elves’ and ‘dwarves in sailor suits’.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2013
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J K Rowling behind acclaimed fictional thriller: ‘Tory Lobbyist’

busy collecting horcruxesJ K Rowling, the creator of Harry Potter, is secretly the author of a thriller based on Conservative party funding, according to a national Sunday newspaper. The story in question, ‘Tory Lobbyist’, is an outrageous fiction where inept millionaires maintain their tax-free wealth by accepting endorsements, cash for questions, private directorships and after-dinner speaking.

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Posted: Jul 15th, 2013
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Disillusioned teen wakes up to the ugly side of vampirism

fangs for nothingThoughts of eternal bliss in the company of vampire heart-throb Robert Pattinson and the ethereal Kristen Stewart swam through her head when 16 year old Trudy Bellamy took her vampire oath at the back of the East Grinstead community centre.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2012
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Leveson Inquiry delayed to allow time to appoint Parseltongue translator

‘We can’t go on like this any longer,’ Lord Leveson declared. ‘I only asked her to confirm her name and position, and her eyes immediately rolled back into her head and she started whispering ‘Si a-hashii’eth’ over and over.’

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Posted: May 11th, 2012
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