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Posts Tagged ‘Harry Styles’

Labour leadership to ‘take a break in 2016′

The election front-runner, Jeremy Corbyn, has rejected the rumour that the popular socialist super-group has ‘split’ for good. Although Yvette Cooper has hinted that she may pursue solo projects, a spokesman for Harry Styles has said he is still committed to ‘progressive centre-left politics’ and ‘screaming twelve year old girls’.

The group claim to have had four number ones but voters can only remember their fetid pile of ‘number twos’…

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Posted: Sep 9th, 2015
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1D to join Kurdish Peshmerga fighters

In a shock move, One Direction have announced a break from music in order to battle the so-called Islamic State alongside Peshmerga fighters in northern Syria.

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Posted: Aug 24th, 2015
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Thousands turn out in Birmingham to see Noam Chomsky switch on Christmas lights

That's what makes him beautiful...Thousands of revellers have turned out in Birmingham city centre to celebrate the switching on of the Christmas lights by anarcho-syndicalist activist Noam Chomsky.

Chomsky, who wooed crowds at a similar event in London earlier this month, delivered a speech on revolutionary industrial unionism to rapturous acclaim before flicking the switch to herald the start of the city’s festive celebrations.

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Posted: Nov 24th, 2014
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Britain basically a One Direction-worshipping country, says Cameron

'You don't know you're beautiful'David Cameron has sparked a heated debate after claiming that Britain should be ‘more confident in its status as a country of Directioners’. The PM made his remarks in an interview with Smash Hits magazine, adding that the teachings of Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry and Louis had shaped British society and inspired its values of tolerance, respect and being beautiful because you don’t know you’re beautiful, baby.

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Posted: Apr 24th, 2014
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One Direction film goes through UCAS clearing

there must be a scholarship for what they doThe University Clearing Service UCAS has confirmed a late application for a Music Technology BSc at the University of Bedfordshire from One Direction. Wary that fickle fame might desert them, the Anglo-Irish pop band admitted they needed to ‘get serious’ after what they described as a very enjoyable gap year. However, UCAS administrators had some reservations about the number of tariff points accumulated from the boys’ scant collection of mediocre GCSEs, used panties and coloured bits of string.

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Posted: Aug 22nd, 2013
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